The Workhsus

When I first went to f workhaus there were about six joiners who fed two or three painters. I first met them all apparently at a party on New Year's Day 2005 though I didn't connect it. In fact I had done e days work for them. Thinking about it it must have been a few days we got PD's, £20 a day I think supposed to be for your evening meal but we went out on the piss. I think we did eat but my memories are sketchy as I was high at the party and rattling in Aylesbury. We were fitting out a steam museum a few miles from there. That was what the Workhaus did. If you ever see a brown sign for a tourist museum they have probably been there. Initially they were set up by a bunch of scenic chippies who began by taking on a job that had been turned down by the company that they had been working for. Back then, most of the companies that put bids in for the commissions for these jobs had a couple of people in the office who did drawings and answered the phone who were the company and the joiners and painters were self employed and would put their invoiced in and the going rate for a decent joiner was £150 a day. It's probably around £250 a day now. Despite not being technically employed by the company there were usually a nucleus of joiners and painters who were there all the time but if they got big jobs or were running two or three at the same time they would call up people like me and I'd come work for them for a while.

In the workshop you got no PDs and it was pretty boring. By the next year I would become well acquainted with them. My dad had a fall and damaged his head causing bleeding. At first the doctors thought he'd had a stroke but finally they drilled two holes in his skull and drained the blood. I went up to see him and he was not conscious. I'd driven from Somerset to Leeds . My sister was there and after our visit we said goodbye and walked off. There must be several hundred parking places but as I approached my car on the third floor of a multi story carpark I saw my sister again. Out of all the parking places possible we had parked next to each other. I still marvel at this and can only presume that our brains are genetically so similar that we both homed in on the same place intuitively.

I had Tex, a big dog who was a husky cross German shepherd so the only place I could stay easily was my best freind Richard's flat. By now I had given up heroin and took subutex which blocks the afffect of heroin . Richard sold heroin . I can say all this now as they are all dead. He scored off Tufty who also sold and scored crack.

After two weeks my dad was still in hospital and now conscious was hallucinating heavily. My business was in Somerset so I had the dilemma of what to do. Magnus who I was to share a workshop with for over 15 years had been sharing with me so he kept it going while I went to live with Richard in Leeds so I could support my dad in his recovery. I stayed for ten months in the end. To support myself I went to work for the workhaus. After a week building stuff for the Deep, a vast aquarium in a building that won architectural awards. They put us up in Hull for the duration. I had company for the first week and had to stay there on my own for a further two weeks. The place was amazing and after it closed on a night I'd smoke a joint and watch the sharks, rays and other fish swimming about. It is a transcendent experience if you ever get the chance. The hotel was where all the builders stayed and the prostittutes plied their trade outside. Builders would bring them back to the jeers of their fellow workers. I remember one who proudly took his lady of the night up to his room. When he came down for breakfast he looked forlorn. She had robbed him and even took his glasses. I used to belt down the M62 to Leeds to buy my crack. I'd picked up the habit and it haunts me to this day.

After a few weeks of workshop building stuff we were off to Newcastle to fit out the Centre for Life, a museum that focused on the environment. We were there three weeks and spent our nights exploring the city. We tried out many restaurants and drank a lot. In the day I had to race across the city to a chemist to get my subutex. This meant I was always late back after lunch so I'd work extra hard to try make up for it. We were in a Holiday Inn or another chain they used which were all decorated the same. When I woke up on these jobs it took a while to remember where I was. I was the first to come down with perhaps the worst flu I've ever had. Ultimately we all came down with it but we had a deadline so had to work on through it. On our final day there was still a lot to do so they sent up reinforcements. We had to be out by Friday but in a cruel twist of fate someone scored 50 e's. So on our last night out we went out to party. The hotel was in what passes for the gay area of Newcastle which amounted to two or three pubs, a nightclub and a cafe that stayed open till four and sold balloons of nitrous oxide.

I remember the night well. As the pills kicked in we went to a city centre pub which was packed. Everywhere was. A girl fell from the balcony. I don't know if she survived but I doubt it. We continued on a pub crawl through the Big Market ending up in a pub/ club with a bucking bronco machine. Jim, the boss made a brave attempt to stay on but ultimately was thrown off. Then all drinks were cleared from the bar and the scantily clad barmaids got up and performed an amazing dance they must have practiced long and hard for. Eventually we ended up in the cafe doing laughing gas until four am. We were to be on site for 8am and I'm proud to say that of the nine joiners I was one of the few to make it. The only others were the straights who hadn't taken drugs and gone out on the lash.

It was to be an early finish at four in the afternoon but that day dragged so slowly.

I returned to Leeds to a two week break during which I had one of the only periods of intravenous heroin use. I had plenty of money (you don't spend your own money when you're away). We smoked a lot of crack and Richard had customers and visitors regularly coming until 4am so I was used to lack of sleep. I stayed in Richard's bedroom while I was working in the workshop.. the bedroom door went straight on to the living room so I got little sleep there and the trips away were a relief for me.

After this we built more stuff and fitted out Plymouth museum. The benches upstairs were made by the great Alan Peters and our humble joinery was no match. As a town it was fairly pretty. We were in a b and b on the Hoe and a short walk on a morning gave us a great view of the sea. Mostly we'd go drinking in the old town at the bottom. One time we found our gang of roving joiners in the top floor of a pub with a gang of builders from Manchester. Leeds and Manchester are old foes and abuse was shouted both ways. One overstepped the line and began digging in about the Yorkshire ripper. This is a sensitive subject as his murder campaign began in my area in Leeds. The lead member of their crew was smart enough to see his mate had gone too far and he reeled him in with a swift and sudden blow. This broke the ice and our gangs joined in drink together and teamed up as a now dozen strong northerners roamed Plymouth together.

My dad was now much better and I returned to Somerset where Mag had returned to the workshop he was in before he came to mine but with our combined kit. I had one job. A really nice table for a client I had already done a kitchen for. I also had got together with Claire but that's a whole other story.

With no work and it being close I joined the gang fitting Bovington Tank Museum. This was a vast job and I was there for six months. I stayed in the place Lawrence of Arabia had drunk before his motorcycle accident. It was a shit place with crap breakfasts.

Somehow the initial gang failed to gel and it was the camaraderie that made this work so rewarding. There were a few changes and things improved. We were staying in Wareham and the nightlife was poor. We did all the pubs and went on to explore Poole. Poole, swimming trunks, Wareham.

The job involved a lot of high banners and I hate heights. As we had run over budget we had no cherry pickers or scissor lift so four stacked scaffolding towers were employed. It's a long way up and down if you forget a screwdriver. These rocked and swayed and as we were regularly moving were used without the customary outrigger legs that are a legal requirement. We were all self employed so if we fell there would be no compensation. Fixing the bannners involved someone pushing the dangerous contraption around. Six months however it was only an hour and a bit drive so I'd come back midweek. Crack finally came to frome and to this day remains the drug of choice for the older addicts who now generally wash up their own as the powder coke is now very potent. I also had a new girlfriend so I had reasons to return midweek.

Next we were down in Portsmouth. I was now seldom back in the workshop and they moved to a soulless big workshop where I believe they still are.

The gang here were much better. A female painter helped subdue the worst excesses of a gang of men away from home. Plymouth offers much more than Wareham and our b and b was near the seafront despite their being no beach. We were next to the Mary Rose which had been recovered from the sea and was continually sprayed with seawater I assume to keep it shipshape. You can see the wooden structure and the three levels that the ship once had. We were also close to the HMS Victory. Incredible to think that this was the peak of human achievement five of my lifetimes ago. Some 1000 trees were used to build it. The shipwright's choosing naturally curved oak trees mostly oak and some sweet chestnut. They'd have no chance of finding that now. Rumour is that there were trees planted then that are just maturing grown for future wooden battleships. It was an honour to be working close to two of the greatest pieces of woodwork this country has ever produced. I say it was the peak of human engineering when it was built which of course is untrue when you look at Avebury or Stonehenge.

One time I was working alone and in the evening, having no gang of my own joined up to drink with some joiners on another job.. They went off to a lap dancing club and being both feminist and frugal I opted to go find a pub to drink in. As I walked along the front a number of nightclubs had hoards of girls and men out for Friday night frolics. Out of nowhere a car came speeding and hit a girl who flew through the air and the car pulled up some 300 yards away. I ran to her but it was clear that she was dead. Soon some doormen with superior experience appeared and took over. I walked back to a park where I quietly saw young fox cubs playing. When I returned the emergency services had arrived and I gave my name and hotel. Later they came and interviewed me. The court case happened much later and I was called up to give evidence. I believe the driver was from a posh family and he walked free.

On returning to Somerset I received an email ordering a whole house of furniture for a cottage my main client had bought in Porlock Weir. The photos of the work are on my facebook page of art and woodwork if anyone is interested. I did the furniture for three houses entirely and pieces for another two. My final work for him was in Chelsea for which I did a library in maple and the elliptical desk. This was my most complicated and fun piece for him. I'd done him two full houses of furniture that were used for maybe a week a year. I developed a dislike for doing work for houses that were never used when so many people sleep in shop doorways. His stately home in Shropshire is the family home though the boys were sent away to boarding school at a young age. There were full time gardeners and other workers. And his London home In Chelsea was where he spent the week and the home of my finest work. The guy who I had worked for immediately after leaving college was also making pieces for him. Fellow furniture makers told me how lucky I was but ultimately I couldn't do it anymore. I could probably still be making work for him now but I'd had enough. I never set out to do that kind of work though it was fine furniture. Some pieces I'm still proud of but some were just expressions of excess wealth. If you're interested some of it is on my Art and Woodwork facebook page.

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