Saturday, 14 October 2023

Death

Death

For sure, death is shit for anyone who wants to live. But even they won't know anything about it. As you get older life gets tiring; landlords endlessly pestering you for money, council tax twats taking you to court in your absence for not paying money for some shit ideas they've had, ok, rubbish collection is pretty cool but that shouldn't cost a lot. Debt agencies endlessly pestering you over services some cunt claims they provided.
And let's face it, after about 40, unless you're a completely gullible twat You go through the same thing you went through as a child over the Father Christmas lie; nothing we do has meaning. For sure I'm not a cunt and will always go to the aid of an old lady or anyone weaker than me to help in a practical way. Now as my joints start aching and the tablets the doctors have me on to contain, to imprison my sliding and warping perception of reality that they deem true, see me putting on weight. It's a genuine dilemma; would I rather be a loony or be a fat, sexless, agreeable piece of furniture.
I look forward to death. I fear painful dying. I've seen cancer kill and I don't want that. I've a couple of grams of top grade heroin put aside and a set of work's ready to take myself out when it gets too painful, too dull or just when I can't be arsed with it anymore.
This is not to say I don't marvel at the incomprehensibly beautiful moment of life in all its glory. Each day I meditate on the sheer unlikelihood of being one of the possibilities that could have been. Being is so fantastic. Let's just enjoy till the lights go out and we return to the nothingness from which we came.


Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, 11 October 2023

After the Death of Bunsen

After the Death of Bunsen

"So mr Lipton, you believe that you are not only a revered Shaman, a friend of witches and Druids but also an Archangel now. It seems that your talents have developed even further than last time you were here."
Lipton muttered a curse under his breath before swiftly retracting. His curses now weren't mere insults. A lazy comment could ruin lives.
"No doctor. I was under a number of illusions when I was sectioned. These hallucinations have now passed and I feel well enough to reintegrate into society."
The psychiatrist peered from behind his half lens glasses, scrutinising his patient, looking for honesty. Patients, particularly smart ones would often learn the right answers and project sincerity whilst still suffering from serious mental illness.
"You were quite insistent when you arrived mr Lipton that you were able to fly,"
His mocking tone irritated the Shaman and it took immense self control for his eyes not to dilate. Lipton had stopped arguing with the staff at the mental hospital weeks ago now.
Smiling in an affectation of humour in his condition on arrival, "Wow! I really was messed up back then. Imagine believing I could fly? The stupidity of it all is embarrassing now sir."
Of course he could fly. All angels, even humble beginners could.
"Indeed. And no more delusions of the financial elite boarding spacecraft."
Lipton summoned up a chuckle he half believed himself, "ridiculous, I know. And wasn't i babbling about sir Rupert Bunsen or something? I must have heard something on the radio about his tragic death. The sea has claimed many lives but few as noble as the great entrepreneur. I, of course, shoulder some blame for my bout of psychosis. Serves me right for experimenting with mind altering drugs. I'll not be doing that again."
Dressed in a white lab coat, as though he were a real scientist, worse still, talking as though his chosen field was as respectable as a surgeons. The incarcerated shaman could see the irony. The study into mental illness in 2023 was in a similar position of other medicine in medieval times. Before the discovery of bacteria the world beyond the reach of the human eye led to superstitions. Modern psychiatry, until an understanding of how meat can think and feel will remain subject to similar superstition. Yet psychiatry and its adherents would continue, oblivious to the comedic irony in claiming the same reverence that other fields of medicine enjoyed. This twisted notion is perhaps most obvious to any shaman than it is to anyone else.
"No doctor. I'm grounded back in reality. All thanks to you and your team too sir for which I shall remain eternally grateful."
Just for a second the psychiatrist wondered if he was being mocked though this second slipped like a drop in to the ocean of seconds that had gone before making up his morning before his self assurance reasserted itself and he returned to his pompous self regard.
"Well I've discussed it with the team and we're mostly in agreement that you are free to leave. I must insist on the importance of continuing with your medication. Any lapse in this could result in a return of your condition. I'll be seeing you on a weekly basis for a while until we're quite sure that you're okay. And remember should any symptoms, however small start to reemerge please call us here at the hospital."
Lipton stood up and smiled. He gave the idiot a firm handshake and looked him confidently in the eye.
"I'll not be back sir. And thanks again for all your support and understanding."
With this Lipton strode away, down six flights of stairs, along a strip light lit white corridor, past an elderly man mumbling about umbrellas, avoided a woman in her twenties crouched urinating choosing not to look at the widening yellow tinged puddle, "goodbye Jenifer," he bid her, took a right turn and found reception. Here the decor shifted to the feel of an infant school, brighter colours and a collage of paper animals made in the art therapy group with upholstered wooden furniture in small clusters where family visitors drank tea and coffee from the coin machine near the entrance. The look of municipality betrayed the fact that the doors were locked until a staff member was there to open them.
He gave his name to the receptionist who produced a file where various papers were pushed his way to sign and a Tesco bag for life containing the few belongings he had arrived with three months earlier. The receptionist smiled and said "goodbye mr Lipton. I'll click the door as you reach it." Seven more paces towards the thick sheets of glass before he heard the locks triggered. A further four and he could feel the wind on his face.
Lipton paused and breathed deeply. His first clean air; free from the scent of badly cooked food, piss and disinfectant since he had been dragged in here screaming by four burly nursing staff back in January. It felt cold to his skin, too long attuned to central heating. Spring was on its way and birdsong twinkled over the noise of traffic.
It felt good to be free.


Sent from my iPhone

Red Admiral

Tuesday, 3 October 2023

Stairwell moths

Clifden Nonpareil. Moth of the season in my flat stairwell. Rare visitor. Once thought extinct in these islands but a few recent sightings suggest that this magnificent, big and beautiful moth is making a comeback. Check out the lunar underwing on one of photos. They're about 22mm big.

Monday, 2 October 2023

The Return of Skreeworld

 Indeed it has been a long time since Skreeworld was running at full force. We brought you creative outlooks on the reality we operate in. We brought you photography of the surrounding world. We brought you a detailed breakdown of our breakdown and our journeys in and out of psychosis. we brought you two novels the second of which became so complex and sprawling we were unable to complete. This was due to our serious mental illness and the sectioning under the mental health act of the main protagonist, Skree often referred to as Peter. We brought you so much.

But then silence. Pedriodical photographs were posted. Unable to communicate we began an ongoing project to study the moths that were spotted in and around the stairwell of the flats where we live. 

I was able to submit photographs of these using  an iphone. But first my main computer was stolen by crackheads, then its replacement disappeared under similar circumstances. Then finally as my furniture business collapsed I dropped my camera and I was reduced to poor quality photographs from my phone. I returned to furniture making creating standard, arts and crafts style work for the wealthy rural market of farmhouses and suchlike but none that represented my own personal aesthetic vision. During this period my mental health was rarely stable and punctuated by periods of depression, extreme anxiety and occasional psychosis. But now it appears my doctors have finally got my medication right and I am once again able to continue.

Skreeworld blog has been an expansive description of my creative work, philosophical thinking, study of moths and all else that comprises my experiences as a human being. Now I am able to, once again, take you on my journey and the other collaborative Skreeworld project. So welcome back to any old followers and also to any newcomers to our work.

Skreeworld is a strange and exciting place. Fuck! Its good to be back. 

Monday, 4 September 2023

Friday, 11 August 2023