When I saw god

Having a tenuous connection with reality may well be accepting what is the common truth. For most of our history it was believed that human memory was like a video recording. Now we know that memory is a constructive process. Bits of truth mix up with wishes, dreams and perceptions to form a workable story. Whilst working in Portsmouth I was a witness to a fatal accident. I was certain only five people could have seen what happened yet over twenty claimed to be eye witnesses. Several points of what I remembered could not have happened as I remembered them. This event prompted me to look in to what is known about memory. We fill in the gaps to support our story. Lights change colour, vehicles travel at differing speeds, men become w omen, suggestions made by interviewers can be incorporated. It is memory that enables us to construct a self. Our memories define us. One of the most moving scenes in scifi film history must be from blade runner where rachel comes to realise that she is a simulacrum. That her memories are not her own.
If we can't trust our memories then how can we trust who we are? Presented with similar experiences two people will learn differing things. Paul, a close freind of mine underwent a religious experience. This proved to him the existence of god. I underwent a religious experience too but having experienced episodes where my perception of reality turned out to be quite wrong, I chose, or tended toward believing the meeting with god to be a hallucination. For a period I was quite convinced that my mind was connected to some subterranean network. At the time british telecom was laying down its network of fibre opiytc cables. I know now that but at the time it was quite real. So too was my experience of god.  We fit our experiences, whatever they are in to our story. Nothing, however extreme changes most people. We are destined to fulfill our expectations. In this sense I honestly wish I had been brought up to believe in god. But for me he just isn't there. I wish it were otherwise.
Knowing you are not a robotic creature with a video recorder for a memory may be something that sets you aside in society. My greatest fears develope when talking to people who believe themselves to be party to a fixed truth. People who believe whole hearted lay in what their scenes are telling them.