Moral Codes

We all live by our own moral codes. At times they may bend like reeds in the wind but they remain rooted in a fixed place. Recently I have been having to live closely with someone whose moral code consistently appears to be markedly different from my own. I have never been a moraliser and have never felt the desire to try to influence others. Yet by continuing to remain entrenched with this person I have had to bare the flack incurred by their behaviour. I have tried to discuss what I see as immoral actions they have taken and the ultimate consequences these entail. The person lives in what to me seems a quagmire of denial and self justification. I have argued for days, weeks even years in an attempt to make them see the error of their ways. Arguably I should have unhitched myself years ago. Yet I value loyalty. This ranks high on my moral compass. Through my loyalty I have become distanced from freinds. My morality has suffered. Mostly through remaining loyal and placing this above other considerations on my moral compass. I feel ashamed where I have let down friends. Now, when perhaps it is too late I feel unable to disentangle myself and leave. I probably should have done so years ago. During my thirties I was abandoned by my partner and she took our entire friendship circle with her using a distorted presentation of my behaviour. I swore to myself that I would not do that were I to be on the other side of a comparable situation. Yet my failures had few to no effect on anyone but my partner. Here, now I find the effects of the person I am now tied to have had detrimental consequences for both of us. But now this person is dying. Has perhaps two or less years to live. Should I leave them to die alone? Uncared for? I wish I had an answer to this conundrum. Usually in life I have known the right thing to do. I may not always have taken the right decisions but I always knew what was right and wrong. Here I don't know. And in my confusion will most likely do what I have done when the stakes weren't so high. Maybe I should have abandoned her as I was abandoned in my thirties. Sometimes there is no right choice. All have unpleasant repercussions. I wish I was stronger. I wish I was harder.

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