Skreeworld Bomb

Skreeworld flatbed sets off for the houses of parliament armed with bomb. The last honest person to enter parliament was Guy Fawkes from Otley, looks like the second, Skree is also from North Leeds.

Comma

Olympic Public Art Sculpture

The Skrreworld entry for the vast Olympic public art sculpture would have sorted out all environmental and benefit culture problems and relate to sport, health and fitness. All those pointless marathons and charity self publicist opportunities along with Jamie Oliver, Chris Moyles and Ray Mears weight problems could have all been solved. An end to the obesity time bomb.
A vast mouse wheel type generator in steel to keep the sponsor happy, could have been erected. Health fanatics could run for fun and all benefit cheats forced to drive the generator for being evil benefit cheats. Bankers could run 1 hour for each pound of bonus they recieve and all posh types who moan about the inheritance tax could earn back their lost money at the same pound a circular mile run.
Everyone would be happy, the torys could see the benefit cheats sweat and the benefit cheats could see the rich greedy bankers sweat. Clearly all could show their commitment to the common good and be seen to do so. No need for fossil fuels or nuclear power, just good clean democracy.
Mind you, Terrys Chocolate orange enthusiast Dawn French would suffer, no bads thing in my mind. It would also give Lenny Henry something to do, running hand in hand with Frank Bruno.

The Wonderful and Frightening World of Mark E. Smith 8/9

listen for john peel saying 'play this one for Mike in Frome and Ben in London', high point of my life. Fall in Frome 15th may.

Tex - The Wolf

Just took Tex out for a last stroll before bed. It never fails to amaze me how he knows more people than me. Often whilst walking through town,children will come over to say hello. One of the things I am most proud of is Texs' gentlness with children. Maybe it comes from his Malmute Husky roots. The Innuits sleep together, family, children dogs and all. His popularity spreads by word of mouth and for each kid he befriends this multiplies as children are want to share. It must be quite fantastic, as a child to befreind such a powerful beast.
We walked to the second ginnle then returned. As I passed the first I saw the silhouette of a dog and someone lieing on the ground. I wandered down to check they were ok. The guy I don't know personally but he always seems  a nice chap and he is invariably with his beautiful dog He was just layed down looking at the full moon and was ok. Tex got a bit playfull so I withdrew. The guy knew Tex though. 'Tex the Wolf' he said. All was cool. I'd like to know him and his dog, they seem a great pair. But how does he know Tex?
Tex has his own life and though he is my dog, he will never be anyone but his own.
I hope the life of Tex gets published. It is a story worth reading. I have learned so much from him. The best part is the innate nature of 'good'. Tex always meens well. Sometimes he gets it wrong, but then we all do. It blows a lot of animal theory out of the water, the brutality of survival, the selfish gene. Perhaps, because he was castrated at the rescue centre his life took on new meening. The idea that we are thier to just further our species is full of holes. Tex will never have offspring but has contributed to mans understanding more than most dogs. Those who don't understand him, I pity.
If Angels exist, he is surely one. I may have saved his life but he equally saved mine. Without a doubt I would be dead were it not for Tex.

Mags Sloe Worm

It's a beauty. Legless lizard, technically speaking, something I have been called though I wear the tag with honour with this incredible example. The variety of colours, from gold through grey to sandy brown. Sometimes with darker streaks running thier length but the blue flecking in this one is something new to me. You don't see them roungd Leeds where I grew up. First I saw as a child in Cornwall, on holiday, I thought was a snake. Legless Lizard, I can live with that.

Skreeworld Poor List

Yesterday the Sunday Times , in blatant plaguerism, published thier rich list. So here is the yearly Skreeworld Poor List. Poverty can take many forms and it is hard to measure who has the least. Hence the Skreeworld poor list has only one street beggar and one homeless on it and these have shown extreme excellence in other areas of poverty. Moral poverty, spiritual poverty, poverty of creativity are covered as are other areas of poverty. The list is of 10 and as moral poverty is subjective, they are interchangeable. Please feel free to add to the skreeworld poor list. All entries will be considered and, probably, included.

1; Bob Gheldof for poverty of modesty and self promotion through 'poverty'. Yes, Bob is right up there with the post morally impoverished. From argueing with the leader of Greenpeace to his denial in the face of facts to the opposite bthat 95% of the live aid money was spent on weapons, the remaining 5% probably accounts for why he lives in luxury claiming it is just from an aversion to mondays. St Paula is one of the patron saints of Skreeworld for her relative celibacy. Two boyfriends and they called her a slag, Bob drove her to her grave then hijacked her funeral.

2; Jeremy Kyle for poverty of everything bar money. Yes, his human bear bating and Daily Mail values that he imposes on the true poor shows a true moral poverty. His income is dependent on viewers who are unemployed who he berates for being unemployed. Solve unemployment and you solve the Kyle problem. Not to mention his stalking of a 16 year old  including sexual advances who was on work experience on his radio show.

3; Tracy Emin for poverty of creativity and moral poverty. Born in to a financially insecure family, the benevolence of what remains of any socialistic elements of post war Britain created the colege and paid for her education that gave her success. Poverty of generosity in her statement about leaving the country if the 50% tax rate came in to pay for people like her to get similar success, true selfish greed and poverty of care for others.

4;  Timmy Otto. The first good, noble and righteous person on the list. He is a street beggar who developed schizophrenia before discovering the cures for both Aids and cancer but government conspiracies prevented poor Tim from implementing them. Poor Tim also had Sonia, singly the most selfish human on earth move in and take over his home, bringing trouble from police and other areas. Poor Tims endless generosity shou;ld be a lesson for Emin.

5;  Richard Dawkins for poverty of interlect and poverty of acceptance of counter argument. The high priest of the church of Darwin has spent the last few years like a pope in paedophilia denial. His total misunderstanding of the fact  that the truth of evolution in no way precludes the existence of God. His polarisation of religious ideas to continue his evangelical quest bare all the hallmarks of Muslim extremists Sharia law.

6; Rachel Whiteread for poverty of ideas. If an idea was a pound she'd have one pound yet would owe the pound back as the idea of exposing the negative space of house hold objects was borrowed. Not since the K foundation awarded her for the worst art of the year outside the Turner Prize has she achieved an acholade as significant as appearing in the Skreeworld poor list.

7;  Gordon Ramsay. Now most think he's just a cunt but, no, he qualifies on the grounds of poverty of compassion. The Patron Saint of Bullying has done unquantifiable damage to the catering industry causing a huge rise in apprentice suicides, yep, they're topping themselves like lemmings. His arogance and lies to his wife and the media over just one of his many affairs are taking its toll. Raveans, wrinkes and furrows blemish his face like an inverted Dorian Grey.

8;  Kipper is well poor but noble. H may not work but neither does he sign on. Homelss yet never aimless, abundant in happiness ad adventurous schemes. A hunter and a freegan, I thought I best get a normal poor in to show up the moral poverty endemic in this country. Money would kill him.

9;  Chris Moyles, Piss Poor! Perhaps the most annoying and least talented human in Britain. A poor DJ, a poor comedien, just a piss poor fat cunt tghe world ould be a better place without. Murder is a serious crime and no one could condone such an action. However, should someone take a pop at the fat bastard I'm sure there isn't a jury in the land that would convict the perpetrator nor a self repecting policeman who would boter following up the case.

10;  I had toyed with the idea of putting Jamie Oliver in but thought, at first, that having 2 celebrity chefs would be too many. Further research made me realise that 1 in 5 people in Britain is in fact, a celebrity tv chef so Oliver is back in. The self Righteous mockney is guilty of poverty of hygene 'garnisshing each of hith mealth in a thpray of thpittle'. The moral vaccuity o seeking moral high standards whilst blatantly advertising factory farmed meat shows true moral poverty. It doesnt matter how much he gives back now, he has taken too much.

Please feel free to add to the Skreeworld poor list.