Skreeworld consistently straight forward

During periods of mental illness skreeworld continues regardless. The truth may not be what others are perceiving therefore our duty is to maintain a flow of expression that could easily be far from real .

Names and meeting people

No one chooses their own name. Nicknames most often grow from mickey taking as did mine. This summer I found myself at a wedding talking to the grooms father. "So why are you called skree" he persistently asked me. After a point I gave in and asked "why are youcalled Noel". "Because my parents called me that". Yes, I said, "because someone called you it". There a few things we have no choice in; our sexuality, the colour of our skin, and our name. As this all seemed a bit much to him I said my real name is michael and he could call me that if he wished. This caused him to laugh out loud in my face. I couldn't understand why, it seems a quite ordinary name.
Later on that evening as I lay in bed a little upset by the fellows behaviour it hit me the story of when the libertines found out marlin Manson was called Bryan and how they mocked him with this. But no one chooses a nickname. It is not like a stage name.
I left with a low opinion of Noel. His behaviour falls in to the same category as racism or sexism. Mockery for something beyond an individuals choice.

Suicides

There are few things that one can succeed at yet remain unable to deliver advice on. Only one out of every thirty attempted suicides succeeds. Many must be cries for help where the depressed individual has no real intention of bringing their existence to an end. Others must be a kind of practice run. Reading the details of the singer songwriters Elliot smiths suicide I could not help but be shocked that there were just te two deep stab wounds to the chest. No pre stab marks of testing ones bottle. Such bravery amazes me. I recall as a child my father describing suicide as the cowards way out. My feelings were in total polar opposition. Wouldn't it take bravery like I have never felt?
My you g freind paul widowfield committed suicide. I had left leeds and moved to Shrewsbury for college. He had his low periods but I always felt able to talk him out of his current crisis. As far as I heard he was found by one of his childhood freinds having cut his wrists and bled his life away in to a bathroom cabinet. He was a far more naturally happy character than me. Bubbly, positive, sociable. When I found out I was angry. How come no one was there to dislodge his mood. I recall getting drunk and kicking random cars in the traffic flow through Shrewsbury and police locking my in a room till I'd calmed down.

Depresssiom

I learn through repeated and stupid failure. No. That is quite wrong I. Don't learn. I repeat habits as all animals do and we repeat them until they kill us. Be it driving, drinking, eating chocolate, climbing rock faces, or experimenting with drugs. Most of us know the practice that is destroying them. I once spent a month with an alcoholic who was on the wagon. We chatted, played cards. But he was bored. That wasn't life to him. Ultimately he chose to return to drink and the socialisation and human interaction it delivers. Maybe his life was shortened by this by some few months. But these were not months he would have wanted to repeat. This is the toughest part for thr freinds and family of addicts to understand. It is alo the reason I struggle to follow the twelve steps. I respect the AA and the NA but I have no higher power, not one with any care for me. It is a terrible thing to wat h an alcoholic drink themselves to death. Just as it is terrible to watch anyone die from the fate that chooses them. Cancer. You can argue that the cancer victim has no choice in their condition but can you really believe the serious drug addict or alcoholic would choose theier condition. Though the windows of pleasure, the odd smiles or rambling drunken tales reveal volition it is not volition as the straight know it. When the illness shows up again I never know why. Trace it back to tiny events, casual meetings. But it's never that really. For me a dark rejection of human society may overcome me. A disgust at the species. Inequality is written in to us. Some are born clever, motivated, driven, beautiful, a talent for dance, for others it is the lottery of birth in to familial wealth. And even these trump cards some of us are played can not beat that feeling I carry each day of rejection from society. I know I am a weird man. An odd fellow. Most don't feel entirely comfortable in my company. Yet I do attract . I am not alone. I have spent days in my past preoccupied with my self destruction. But there are people who need me and though some periods I endure are of suffering the loss I would inflict would be a shame that wrestles even this suicidal madness to the ground.
Tomorrow I begin again on a new piece and one that could be my best. I know I am no artist for history books but I've still a modest catalogue. I fear returning to the workshop. Fear reaquaintence with other makers. Fear Dook maybe too naughty for that environment. I find it difficult to interact with the people there. I blame all kinds of crap that could be the cause of my separation, my weirdness. This is the second break from furniture I have taken in the last two years. The first I was close to death but this time I should be able to pull it round. Depression. You have to learn to live with it because I know no cure. Only  ointments. Like making things. Heroin, crack, alcohol, benzos. And out of all those listed making things is better for the world.
And I am aware I am being given a third chance. I can only offer in response that you misunderstand how the world works. No one chooses depression, alcoholism, heroin addiction. If you don't know that then you have ot experienced sufferers of these afflictions. And you can scoff. Suggest the cancer sufferer had no choice in the matter whilst the lush reached for the bottle. But when you see the body of a hanging man, come across your closest childhood freind withe hyperdermic Syringe fallen from their groin. Then you see the difference may hold a morsel of truth, but only a starving man would find sucor from these grains.

No pictures

All skreeworld followers must be feeling let down by the lack of photography coming through. I am taking the photos but my partner went and pawned my computer in Trowbridge when they were desperate. I'm hoping to go reclaim it this week so as I can put out my photos again for all to see. It'll get sorted soon no doubt but times at truly frugal at present. Love to al skreeworld followers.