Saturday 30 August 2014
That Homeless Guy
This next February the homeless guy will be beginning his fourth year sleeping in his secret place. I won't give it away in case the police, who I know read this blog, move him on. After four years it must feel like a home. He dresses well for the outdoors. A padded coat, a wool hat, hiking boots etc. his sleeping bag is a high quality one. I've spoken to him but never in depth. He isn't a drinker or drug user and this seperate s him from the majority of the homeless. It is difficult to communicate with someone on another drug to you whatever it is. Smack heads find drunks maudlin, drunks find junkies boring. A straight homeless is unusual. He reads. A lot. His perch a park bench he sits on until the drunks have gone before sneaking off to his net. Its the time that would get me. I can get bored anyway but sitting on a park bench all day. He goes to the bookies to warm up. I am curious about him. He looks together enough to get a flat. Perhaps it is his choice to live that way.
A much briefer version of the NDE
A gramme and three quarters of methoxphenidine with a load of etizolam and morphine tablets should kill a man. But it just caused a whole load of fuss for everyone around me and I'm sorry. First question is usually, "why did you try to end your life" . The answer involves financial debt but the main thing I had been clean of all drugs and alcohol for a few years and somehow I found myself an addict again and I was so angry I could have killed myself. A freind sent me two particularly large and high quality rocks through the post to me. The morning they arrived I was heading for London to do the final touches to some work there. But I am an addict. Whether using or not. So I had a smoke. When I came home at 9oclock at night people were piping up and I was back on.
Crack gives you the shakes so most users take heroin too. I was determined to never have a heroin habit again. It had been 15 years since I had had a heroin habit and I wasn't going back there. So I made the same stupid mistake as last time. I took benzos to chill me out instead. Last time I used to score them from a traveller site but these lot were now in jail. They had been collectively kicking heroin habits using the Valium and booze to soften the blow. A fight broke out. Lenny got axed over the head. It was a right old mess. They thought he was dead so went and dug a shallow grave. One of the group then strangled him to finish him off. They then carelessly burnt and buried the body. Police were round next day. DNA everywhere. No one would take full responsibility so through joint enterprise two innocent and one guilty are in jail.
The research chemical scene has grown with many Internet vendors selling a variety of products. Some are dissociatives, some hallucinogens, and some are benzos. When benzodiazepines were discovered literally hundreds were found. So many they weren't all registered. Several are available very cheaply available through research chemical suppliers. Diclazepam, flubromazepam, pyrazolam and a few more. Most popular of these is etizolam.erhaps because proper trials have been runon the drug and it is sold in chemists under prescription in Japan and India. Personally I prefer it to the British equivalent diazepam.. Anyway, I developed a habit for these too.
Disgusted with myself for requiring a crack habit I attempted to take my own life. This resulted in being unable to walk for four days, pissing myself, couldnt talk for a week other than gubbage hallucinations continually for three weeks, complete psychosis. Months on I am still not right.
The one good thing it did achieve was it blew the crack habit to smithereens. Unfortunately I am left with a benzo habit which I a, working slowly away at.
Crack gives you the shakes so most users take heroin too. I was determined to never have a heroin habit again. It had been 15 years since I had had a heroin habit and I wasn't going back there. So I made the same stupid mistake as last time. I took benzos to chill me out instead. Last time I used to score them from a traveller site but these lot were now in jail. They had been collectively kicking heroin habits using the Valium and booze to soften the blow. A fight broke out. Lenny got axed over the head. It was a right old mess. They thought he was dead so went and dug a shallow grave. One of the group then strangled him to finish him off. They then carelessly burnt and buried the body. Police were round next day. DNA everywhere. No one would take full responsibility so through joint enterprise two innocent and one guilty are in jail.
The research chemical scene has grown with many Internet vendors selling a variety of products. Some are dissociatives, some hallucinogens, and some are benzos. When benzodiazepines were discovered literally hundreds were found. So many they weren't all registered. Several are available very cheaply available through research chemical suppliers. Diclazepam, flubromazepam, pyrazolam and a few more. Most popular of these is etizolam.erhaps because proper trials have been runon the drug and it is sold in chemists under prescription in Japan and India. Personally I prefer it to the British equivalent diazepam.. Anyway, I developed a habit for these too.
Disgusted with myself for requiring a crack habit I attempted to take my own life. This resulted in being unable to walk for four days, pissing myself, couldnt talk for a week other than gubbage hallucinations continually for three weeks, complete psychosis. Months on I am still not right.
The one good thing it did achieve was it blew the crack habit to smithereens. Unfortunately I am left with a benzo habit which I a, working slowly away at.
Thursday 28 August 2014
Midge more
In the evening, still waiting for word. I dropped anotherLSZ which is either dud or not kicked in. Death is a terrible thing, lonely. All those parties when we were young and full of flesh. Now no one wants to touch you. Your breathe smells. There is very little of you left.
I feel one great guilt with midge. She turned up in the throws of dementia. She collapsed on Bath Hill and the corner house took her in whilst they found us. Why she had flown down from Scotland,no one knew. I had to protect my partner who herself suffers mental health problems. I had to tell midge she had to go and I've never got over this. We took her over to her sons who got in touch with the mental health services and we shipped her back to Scotland. I still don't know if what I did was right. Her campus menus self thanks me for sending her home. But I'll always wonder.
I feel one great guilt with midge. She turned up in the throws of dementia. She collapsed on Bath Hill and the corner house took her in whilst they found us. Why she had flown down from Scotland,no one knew. I had to protect my partner who herself suffers mental health problems. I had to tell midge she had to go and I've never got over this. We took her over to her sons who got in touch with the mental health services and we shipped her back to Scotland. I still don't know if what I did was right. Her campus menus self thanks me for sending her home. But I'll always wonder.
Slow Deaths
What a miserable rainy 5.30 out with Dook.he don't care what weather, the harder, the better. I got my windows to finish before I can get stuck in to the desk. Money comes next week and ill be bang at it again. Really can't wait on this one. It'll be a gem of a piece.
Meanwhile in my private life it seems midge really is dieing. Waiting for phone calls. All that, quietly crying as I sanded the casements ready to paint. Odd thing was, at some point in the morning and I can't quite remember the moment I thought such a dull day would be sparkled up by a tab of LSZ. It comes on really slow. Two hours or so. So by the time my loved one awoke she was in hunt of oblivion, her surrogate mother is dieing. I took her to get her medicine , I got mine.
The trip was punctuated by 6 or 7 pipes. And they have an odd synergy that.never quite severs the flow. By now this is all painted on to a benzo canvas. LSZ is a leisurely trip. None of the shock horrors of its more colourful sister and yet, for most social situations this is quite advantageous.
Meanwhile in my private life it seems midge really is dieing. Waiting for phone calls. All that, quietly crying as I sanded the casements ready to paint. Odd thing was, at some point in the morning and I can't quite remember the moment I thought such a dull day would be sparkled up by a tab of LSZ. It comes on really slow. Two hours or so. So by the time my loved one awoke she was in hunt of oblivion, her surrogate mother is dieing. I took her to get her medicine , I got mine.
The trip was punctuated by 6 or 7 pipes. And they have an odd synergy that.never quite severs the flow. By now this is all painted on to a benzo canvas. LSZ is a leisurely trip. None of the shock horrors of its more colourful sister and yet, for most social situations this is quite advantageous.
Monday 25 August 2014
I'm afraid skreeworld is still without pictures. This coming year of poverty meen's its unlikely I'll be able to get a new laptop to put the photos up for a while either . This is quite upsetting for me as photography is one of my main creative outlets. Even during my darkest depressions I would maintain the photo flow for skreeworld blog. Once a year is up, my debts will be paid off and hopefully things will return to some sort of Normality. A thousand pounds a month is the rate I set and it don't half sting. I have kept the house which meen's a lot to me. A home is important as you get older. My agreement with the landlord to make new windows for the front to pay a months rent has led to my having that deeper intimacy one has with a house they own. The landlord has got a deal of a lifetime. They are not fitted yet but should be this week. Looking down the stone terrace I noticed ours will be by far the best windows. A few originals still hang on the odd cottage, heald together with paint. The rest are all vulgar plastic which spoil the neighbourhood. If I were king a buildings dignity would be a legality and UPVC windows never allowed apart from in schools or certain other municipal buildings.
This mornings walk in the rain kept most of the usual faces in doors. Autumn is showing. Horse chestnuts are yellowing, fruit is slipping over ripe and unused. A real recession? Would they know how to survive without the bins behind lidl. We walked as usual bit there were fewer birds to spot, fewer rabbits for Dook to chase, I'm told the lungs are the only organ capable of repairing itself. My eight miles each morning might just fight off the six years crack smoking, the six years of cannabis smoking and all those cigarettes I now regret. I started aged 12, shortly before my mother died of cancer. I continued through till a particularly vicious bout of flu whilst a mature student of 27 years age at college rendered any smoking hideously unpleasant for the duration of a nicotine withdrawal. e. Five years of none smoking followed but one morning in Fred's workshop where light roll up smoking was de reguor I walked in to the coop and bought half ounce of drum and a packet of blue skins. It was like meeting an old freind. I carried on the habit for two years where I stopped but took up smoking heroin from a tin foil flute for a couple of years (a much more pleasant practice, even the thought of it now pulls me towards the door, towards the van and off to score) I could it would be that easy. But I no longer want the suffering. Looking back I was a fairly uncommitted junky. After realising I had a habit I enjoyed a years honeymoon period followed by two years wrestling the monkey off my back. I never smoked cigarettes when I smoked heroin. Odd that. There followed a two years of none smoking and i honestly don't recall starting again. I think it was during an argument with a girl I loved more than she loved me. Her fag lay smouldering and in a fit of pique I snatched it from the ash tray and left the room in what I hoped was a dramatic gesture.
I finally stopped when I had my major breakdown four years ago now. I gave up crack. This is easy, only a psychological addiction. Next went the diazepam habit I had developed to counter the heebeegeebees you get from crack. This is by far the hardest drug to withdraw from. As the veteran of a number of heroin habits and withdrawals I can honestly say that benzo withdrawal is the worst. I'll not describe it now. The following week I gave up cigarettes and two weeks after that gave up alcohol. I continued subutex, too much withdrawals at once can kill a man. I began to taper off the subutex and was down to .4 of a mg when I went up to leeds for the world club challenge against Melbourne storm, the European champions versus the Australian champions. The place I was staying had heroin there. No one told me or there is no way I would have gone. An addict has no control over there behaviour so I left with a minor habit that took a week off work to shake off.
I am free of both addictions now and if I were asked my biggest regret in life it would be smoking cigarettes. I just hope my walking and cycling can go someway to shift the crap I put in there over the years.
This mornings walk in the rain kept most of the usual faces in doors. Autumn is showing. Horse chestnuts are yellowing, fruit is slipping over ripe and unused. A real recession? Would they know how to survive without the bins behind lidl. We walked as usual bit there were fewer birds to spot, fewer rabbits for Dook to chase, I'm told the lungs are the only organ capable of repairing itself. My eight miles each morning might just fight off the six years crack smoking, the six years of cannabis smoking and all those cigarettes I now regret. I started aged 12, shortly before my mother died of cancer. I continued through till a particularly vicious bout of flu whilst a mature student of 27 years age at college rendered any smoking hideously unpleasant for the duration of a nicotine withdrawal. e. Five years of none smoking followed but one morning in Fred's workshop where light roll up smoking was de reguor I walked in to the coop and bought half ounce of drum and a packet of blue skins. It was like meeting an old freind. I carried on the habit for two years where I stopped but took up smoking heroin from a tin foil flute for a couple of years (a much more pleasant practice, even the thought of it now pulls me towards the door, towards the van and off to score) I could it would be that easy. But I no longer want the suffering. Looking back I was a fairly uncommitted junky. After realising I had a habit I enjoyed a years honeymoon period followed by two years wrestling the monkey off my back. I never smoked cigarettes when I smoked heroin. Odd that. There followed a two years of none smoking and i honestly don't recall starting again. I think it was during an argument with a girl I loved more than she loved me. Her fag lay smouldering and in a fit of pique I snatched it from the ash tray and left the room in what I hoped was a dramatic gesture.
I finally stopped when I had my major breakdown four years ago now. I gave up crack. This is easy, only a psychological addiction. Next went the diazepam habit I had developed to counter the heebeegeebees you get from crack. This is by far the hardest drug to withdraw from. As the veteran of a number of heroin habits and withdrawals I can honestly say that benzo withdrawal is the worst. I'll not describe it now. The following week I gave up cigarettes and two weeks after that gave up alcohol. I continued subutex, too much withdrawals at once can kill a man. I began to taper off the subutex and was down to .4 of a mg when I went up to leeds for the world club challenge against Melbourne storm, the European champions versus the Australian champions. The place I was staying had heroin there. No one told me or there is no way I would have gone. An addict has no control over there behaviour so I left with a minor habit that took a week off work to shake off.
I am free of both addictions now and if I were asked my biggest regret in life it would be smoking cigarettes. I just hope my walking and cycling can go someway to shift the crap I put in there over the years.
Sunday 24 August 2014
Leeds RL Challenge Cup Winners 2014
I arose this morning 6am, a Sunday lie in to account for the ale drunk in celebration of leeds rhinos finally reclaiming the cup. Five losing appearances in a row hurts even when offset by six championships. Onwards to the double. A little LSZ brightened up the second half and evening celebrations. The usual eight mile morning constitutional saw green woodpeckers, buzzards, dippers, grey and yellow wagtails, kingfishers, crayfish and roe deer.
I feel far from the days, but a few weeks back when I tried to take my own life. How daft it all seems now.2 grammes of methoxphenidine didn't kill me but a couldn't walk for four days, a week followed where I was so,ewhat like a paranoid cave man, grunting at strangers. Fortunate not to be sectioned. By the third week I had begun to tell the difference between hallucination and reality.
Rebuilding my life I have made new windows for my home to pay the rent and made an arrangement with my main client to pay him back the money I had come to owe him over the year.
The last time I saw leeds lift the cup was 1999, iesten Harris led the way against a London containing a fading Martin offiah and a fading shaun Edwards. Somehow I know the wait won't be so long again.
When leeds won the championship in 2004 for the first time in 32 years inever thought a team I'd followed through thick and thin would come to dominate the game. Even the great Wigan of the eighties were the only full time team bar leeds towards the end of their reign so in the modern era of salary caps, leeds achievements must be regarded as the greatest ever in the history of the sport. I feel honoured to be a rugby league fan, if Cas had have won yesterday I would still have been happy, but honoured to be alive to see the greatest team of all. These days are legends.
I feel far from the days, but a few weeks back when I tried to take my own life. How daft it all seems now.2 grammes of methoxphenidine didn't kill me but a couldn't walk for four days, a week followed where I was so,ewhat like a paranoid cave man, grunting at strangers. Fortunate not to be sectioned. By the third week I had begun to tell the difference between hallucination and reality.
Rebuilding my life I have made new windows for my home to pay the rent and made an arrangement with my main client to pay him back the money I had come to owe him over the year.
The last time I saw leeds lift the cup was 1999, iesten Harris led the way against a London containing a fading Martin offiah and a fading shaun Edwards. Somehow I know the wait won't be so long again.
When leeds won the championship in 2004 for the first time in 32 years inever thought a team I'd followed through thick and thin would come to dominate the game. Even the great Wigan of the eighties were the only full time team bar leeds towards the end of their reign so in the modern era of salary caps, leeds achievements must be regarded as the greatest ever in the history of the sport. I feel honoured to be a rugby league fan, if Cas had have won yesterday I would still have been happy, but honoured to be alive to see the greatest team of all. These days are legends.
Saturday 23 August 2014
Extractor Fire Update
Dogger dan, who you may remember has a predeliction for shining torches in to campervan windows. As I left the workshop the following day I saw him in conversation with some posh looking guy so went to have it out with him. His statement was peppered with mistakes and retracts. "I didn't know it was your van" and other bullshit.
We have just a years lease left on the workshop and I can't wait to leave. Dogger raises two sheep a year so he can kill them and restraining Dook from allowing nature to take its course has always been difficult. Doggers wife, the pig lady has featured in skreeworld blog before kean readers will recall. Each morning I offer her a smile and each morning she responds with silence. Courtesy costs nothing and even though I have no liking for her I still try to be courteous.
Dogger Dans grandfather was an SS tank driver and murderer. Its in the genes. I see it in his eyes.
We have just a years lease left on the workshop and I can't wait to leave. Dogger raises two sheep a year so he can kill them and restraining Dook from allowing nature to take its course has always been difficult. Doggers wife, the pig lady has featured in skreeworld blog before kean readers will recall. Each morning I offer her a smile and each morning she responds with silence. Courtesy costs nothing and even though I have no liking for her I still try to be courteous.
Dogger Dans grandfather was an SS tank driver and murderer. Its in the genes. I see it in his eyes.
Thursday 21 August 2014
Extractor Fires
Long ago In my training I was informed of the dreaded extractor fire. Although they could be caused by cutting through a screw or a bullet that had spent fourty years, (70 years) now embedded in the tree till it was planked up, sawn through providing a spark to ignite the circulating dust. It was also claimed that extractor fires could just happen through s supernatural forces. Well as a devout atheist I presumed there must be a science to them. Whilst working in Fred Baiers studio rachel hutchinson triggered an extractor fire by cutting through a screw. The top bag was punctuated with small black added holes. This, in truth was not a pure extractor fire as there was a cause.
Yesterday whilst alone in the workshop I noticed a slight heightening of the ambient dust level in the workshop. We all deny it but know it to be true. There is little chance of escaping dust entirely, we just do our best and hope for the best. I repushed timber at blade and a spark or two was visible so everything off. What had happened had the square pre hose had collected a couple of thin off cuts creating a foundation for the mahogany dust. Once risen to blade height friction was sufficient to cause a small smoulder of compacted dust. Ray Mears would have been proud if wielding bow and spindle but fire in my fielder terrified me. Water quickly soaked through and it was clear that due to the blockage no sparks were able to follow hose and hit the big bomb bags.
Just goes to show, we all think we are fool proof and this was only a mini accident that could easily fit in a cubic inch of space.
Being of a paranoid nature I talked my girlfriend in to sleeping with me down at the workshop in my camper van so as if anything I had missed were to fire itself up I could leap out and sort the blighter. Our workshop is at the end of pretty little retreat of terrace houses and everyone knows everyone's vehicles, indeed they mostly recognise all their freinds, freinds vehicles. My black long wheel based Mercedes is pretty unmistakeable. A blind man would recognise it from the smell its sat there that many days. Just as me and my girlfriend were cuddling down for the night my dog began barking eradicating any remaining possibility that a local vigilantly could have mistaken us for miscreants. A torch beam shon through the window, spin inning from place to place to take it all in. I mean, we could have been doing anything. Reassuring that the locals keep an eye out for thieves but this went way beyond that. Our name for the fellow is Dogging Dan as that is the sole possible activity he could have been engaged in.
Fortunately we have to move workshop within a year so if anyone knows f a workshop near frome, 1000-1500 square feet please let us know. This workshop has been fantastic for the guy I share with due to it being near his house. For me it has been the worst workplace in a long line of them. Can't wait to retreat from the retreat, the pig lady, dogging dan and all the nosy neighbourhood vigilantes.
Yesterday whilst alone in the workshop I noticed a slight heightening of the ambient dust level in the workshop. We all deny it but know it to be true. There is little chance of escaping dust entirely, we just do our best and hope for the best. I repushed timber at blade and a spark or two was visible so everything off. What had happened had the square pre hose had collected a couple of thin off cuts creating a foundation for the mahogany dust. Once risen to blade height friction was sufficient to cause a small smoulder of compacted dust. Ray Mears would have been proud if wielding bow and spindle but fire in my fielder terrified me. Water quickly soaked through and it was clear that due to the blockage no sparks were able to follow hose and hit the big bomb bags.
Just goes to show, we all think we are fool proof and this was only a mini accident that could easily fit in a cubic inch of space.
Being of a paranoid nature I talked my girlfriend in to sleeping with me down at the workshop in my camper van so as if anything I had missed were to fire itself up I could leap out and sort the blighter. Our workshop is at the end of pretty little retreat of terrace houses and everyone knows everyone's vehicles, indeed they mostly recognise all their freinds, freinds vehicles. My black long wheel based Mercedes is pretty unmistakeable. A blind man would recognise it from the smell its sat there that many days. Just as me and my girlfriend were cuddling down for the night my dog began barking eradicating any remaining possibility that a local vigilantly could have mistaken us for miscreants. A torch beam shon through the window, spin inning from place to place to take it all in. I mean, we could have been doing anything. Reassuring that the locals keep an eye out for thieves but this went way beyond that. Our name for the fellow is Dogging Dan as that is the sole possible activity he could have been engaged in.
Fortunately we have to move workshop within a year so if anyone knows f a workshop near frome, 1000-1500 square feet please let us know. This workshop has been fantastic for the guy I share with due to it being near his house. For me it has been the worst workplace in a long line of them. Can't wait to retreat from the retreat, the pig lady, dogging dan and all the nosy neighbourhood vigilantes.
Monday 18 August 2014
Challenge cup final week
Castleford have never played leeds in a challenge cup final but they have played in a championship final in the late 60s 67 I think. It was a close run game. Before kick off the general outlook was that the powerful, big, hard castleford forwards would dominate whilst the Leeds backs of the time which featured the great john Holmes, john Atkinson, Alan smith, mick shoe bottom, Sid Haynes, all Great Britain stars and players that would go on to beat Australia in a series. Something that has not happened since.
The current castleford are an awesome side pulling off unbelievable victories. They have no what you would call stars like last years departed rangi chase but coach roy Powell has somehow brought a team spirit that seldom occurs in sport.
Of course this is also true of the leeds side who have one six grand finals, five in six years, a feat that may never be repeated. A golden generation came through the academy. Whilst St. Helens and Wigan were buying in superstars leeds were breeding there own. Kevin Sinfield, captain and a player few fully understand. When he is out injured leeds often lose. He reads the game like no other player I have ever seen. Whilst a good kicker he isn't outstanding in any one aspect of the game yet for me he is the best player I have ever seen. His observation of the spread of play, his vision, his ability to fire up bowing heads, no one comes close. Rob burrow came through around the same time. Little more than five feet high yet able to break the defensive line like no other. Danny McGuire maybe a little past his best yet still comes up with something to win a game. In any other teams these three would be absolute legends .jamie peacock left Bradford bulls and joined us off the back of a grand final win for them. Within the game his work rate unsurpassed. Kallum Watkins has fixed himself as centre and along with Joel moon we must have the best backs in the game. Ryan hall, the worlds best winger is a nickname hard to live up to but he regularly does, co touting his body round I possible angles and slipping in to the the line to make an extra forwarded run. Tom briscoe arrived this year and has proved his worth already. Such a powerful runner with a devilish hand off. Zack hardaker is beginning to looklike the best full back in the league after Sam Tomkins departure for down under at the end of last season. He has come up wit some immense try saving tackles this season to add to a virtually faultless all round game. Carl Ablettt has quietly become a powerful second row or centre when needed. Kyle leuilieia the other prop is a powerhouse to balance Peacock. I could go on. Behind this is a new leeds achademy of players breaking through.
This match should be a legend in the annals of the greatest game of all.
The current castleford are an awesome side pulling off unbelievable victories. They have no what you would call stars like last years departed rangi chase but coach roy Powell has somehow brought a team spirit that seldom occurs in sport.
Of course this is also true of the leeds side who have one six grand finals, five in six years, a feat that may never be repeated. A golden generation came through the academy. Whilst St. Helens and Wigan were buying in superstars leeds were breeding there own. Kevin Sinfield, captain and a player few fully understand. When he is out injured leeds often lose. He reads the game like no other player I have ever seen. Whilst a good kicker he isn't outstanding in any one aspect of the game yet for me he is the best player I have ever seen. His observation of the spread of play, his vision, his ability to fire up bowing heads, no one comes close. Rob burrow came through around the same time. Little more than five feet high yet able to break the defensive line like no other. Danny McGuire maybe a little past his best yet still comes up with something to win a game. In any other teams these three would be absolute legends .jamie peacock left Bradford bulls and joined us off the back of a grand final win for them. Within the game his work rate unsurpassed. Kallum Watkins has fixed himself as centre and along with Joel moon we must have the best backs in the game. Ryan hall, the worlds best winger is a nickname hard to live up to but he regularly does, co touting his body round I possible angles and slipping in to the the line to make an extra forwarded run. Tom briscoe arrived this year and has proved his worth already. Such a powerful runner with a devilish hand off. Zack hardaker is beginning to looklike the best full back in the league after Sam Tomkins departure for down under at the end of last season. He has come up wit some immense try saving tackles this season to add to a virtually faultless all round game. Carl Ablettt has quietly become a powerful second row or centre when needed. Kyle leuilieia the other prop is a powerhouse to balance Peacock. I could go on. Behind this is a new leeds achademy of players breaking through.
This match should be a legend in the annals of the greatest game of all.
Rugby League Challenge cup final week
I believe it is the oldest knock out cup in Britain predating football. In the late 1800s and early 1900s wealthy entrepreneurs would display their wealth and give back to the community through the instigation of new sports that the Victorians were inventing. Rugby union was a public school sport, a toffs game. The joke goes if Webb Ellis had meant union he would have picked up the ball, not run with it, just kicked the ball. Over the years the two sports grew apart. Players who went on to play league after the great schism were written out of history and stripped of their medals. For a century if a player so much as took a trial with a league team they were banned forever from playing union. Of course these players tended to be welsh mining stock who had far more in common with rugby league, the renegade game and rugby Union the establishment sport. Such an apartheid like system has not existed before or since. The union code deemed it sacrilege to play for money, but up north, the miners and ship workers could not afford to lose half a days earnings on a Saturday so wanted reimbursement for their loss. Big crowds were paying to watch the sport so why should they get beaten up an broken boned and lose there Saturday morning pay.
The great schism as it is known took place in the George hotel in Huddersfield where the northern business men who ran the teams were attracting large crowds and beating the southern teams. The schism enabled the uniom to break away and no longer be beaten by the superior northern teams and the northern union, later to be called the rugby league to pull ahead in skill. It wasn't until 1995 when a brave Bath, the best team in union played Wigan in a cross code challenge that the two codes would play again. Wigan 82 Bath 6 was the league score and bath 46 Wigan 24 unfer union rules. In truth by this point rugby league, or certainly Wigan and leeds were a professional outfit and the two sports had changed over the years. League designed to be big hitting and spectacular, Union more a game with a freer spirit where a tall lanky flanker could play alongside a short fat hooker. A gametophyte be play dates s enjoyed. Rugby league, in order to increase crowds had become more exciting, more violent, and more skilful. Union an amateur code. League a professional sport, a product to be marketed.
The great schism as it is known took place in the George hotel in Huddersfield where the northern business men who ran the teams were attracting large crowds and beating the southern teams. The schism enabled the uniom to break away and no longer be beaten by the superior northern teams and the northern union, later to be called the rugby league to pull ahead in skill. It wasn't until 1995 when a brave Bath, the best team in union played Wigan in a cross code challenge that the two codes would play again. Wigan 82 Bath 6 was the league score and bath 46 Wigan 24 unfer union rules. In truth by this point rugby league, or certainly Wigan and leeds were a professional outfit and the two sports had changed over the years. League designed to be big hitting and spectacular, Union more a game with a freer spirit where a tall lanky flanker could play alongside a short fat hooker. A gametophyte be play dates s enjoyed. Rugby league, in order to increase crowds had become more exciting, more violent, and more skilful. Union an amateur code. League a professional sport, a product to be marketed.
Rugby league challenge cup final week
Leeds have been losing finalists so many times it brings me to tears. Lost the final last year. Lost the the final the year before that against Warrington. We drove home in the pissing rain in silence. We've been losing finalists most of the last five years, in fact it was nice of hull to give us a break last year. I travelled down in 94 where we nearly weren't bad and for a while I thought we'd beat wigan. Sadly wigan came out second half and hammered us. I travelled down 95 and we were awful. I went down for the 99 final but it was scant repay to beat shaun Edwards and Martin offiah in a London shirt. I went in 76 and saw us win against widnes then again the following year in a great final against saints. At that age, I thought we must win every year. That was the best leeds side ever until the current side now. With six grand finals we have ruled super league but somehow that challenge cup eludes. Up against Cas the casual observer will think they are underdogs. Far from it. Daryl Powell has assembled an amazing castleford team and if it was any other team than leeds, any other team, id be backing Cas. Cas, everyone's second favourite team. The crowd will be third leeds fans, third cas fans and a third neutrals for cas. I am always nervous in the weeks build up to a final. Yesterday's trip to London didn't help. We should be able to field a reserve team and beat London broncos. A disgrace. It is an important one for this leeds side. The greatest leeds side ever. The gap in their trophy cabinet. Whether wanting it too much has put a hex on I dont know. it is far harder to win a grand final. You only have to beat a couple of decent teams then turn up on the day. To win a grand final you have to beat everyone often more than once. Come on leeds.
Sunday 17 August 2014
LSZ coherent
Previous posting was incoherent. There are three ergoloids, three lysergic acids that have a psychotropic effect. LSD the most well know is well documented and researched. The other two Ad-LAD and LSZ are becoming available. These are powerful spiritual transcendental compounds. They should not be taken lightly. They should not be taken alone. My early experiment delivered a much slower rise than LSD. A less numinous and less colourful experience. I intend to carry out further research over the coming months and to make conclusive statements at this stage would be premature. Very exciting times ahead.
Friday 15 August 2014
LSZ
LSZ experience. I took two small doses for some reason on a Sunday morning. I took the first quater like a taper off the edge to try get a taste.mistake.somehow I had assume end it was some lifestyle enhancer, a semieczsatastshioom if shit. A slight mood enhancer. How far wrong could I have been.somewhat to put a twi kle on yer weekend pint. LSZ is nothing of the sort . Serious research and I am up for it. I have a job/and this will require too much of my time. I can not begin to expresss the frustration of believing oneself close to an evolutionary trigger.
Thursday 14 August 2014
Tuesday 12 August 2014
Rise Again
I wonder if we bottled it. We were on to something. A real working religion. A spirituality. That delivered. For those few years of acid and mushrooms it delivered. Now I write as if we are broken men. Yet out there, legal, on line is LSZ, AD-LAD. Despite the dissociatives we never explored. The free festival wars saw thatchers bullies destroy our culture. The pockets of travellers are addicts, alcoholics, dieing young. What made us lose our faith? What scared us off? For sure so e mental illness, but was this so. Was this not the beginnings of the new understanding. My suicidal MXP trip left me wondering, did we bottle it?
We need to try again. With the knowledge we have now compared to the little we knew as kids.
We need to try again. With the knowledge we have now compared to the little we knew as kids.
New Key Worker
Perhaps robin Williams death is timely for me to talk about my treatment. I kicked off badly at the drug service s a few weeks back during my psychotic episode. Unless you have been there it is impossible to explain the frustration of knowing you are psychotic yet knowing parts of what you are trying to communicate are real sense. I scared them. I asked for a new key worker. There was no way we could work together. She had been to college. She had even experimented with ketamine and endured a brief heroin habit. I am 48. I told her it was like talking to a child. My 35 years of practical study aligned with a voracious appetite to read anything I could on the subject of drugs and addiction lefft us unable to communicate. This sounds arrogant and perhaps is a little but her knowledge is as a child compared to mine..
My new worker appears ok but it always takes a while to figure out their agenda. I have been in treatment for mental health since school, and drug addiction some 15 years. I've seen policy change over the years. New approaches, fresh outlooks. Some have been brilliant. It is, indeed brilliant the British model of treating addiction as a health issue at all, some countries are back in the dark ages of wrapping it in with crime.
Followers of skreeworld blog will know that I agree with francis cricks Astonishing Hypothesis, that all our dreams, all our loves, all our transcendent moments are material. It is time to begin to think scientifically about consciousness (and its relationship, if any, to the hypothetical Immortal soul). It is time to grow up and accept as we did with Galileo and Darwin s ideas that we are not dealing with the supernatural. The implications of this acceptance are vast. Depressives, like diabetics, are born with erratic serotonin and other neurotransmitters. Addicts may well be born with insufficient natural endorphins. Blaming the ill can not continue. The barbarism of blaming the depressive for thier condition is as moronic as blaming those who suffer from Down's syndrome, from the countless misfortunes of birth. It is as if we still embrace the Middle Ages where the unusual were prodded and poked to freak shows if they were lucky enough not to be considered the spawn of the devil.
If this single issue is the one my writing changes a few people's thoughts on then my blog will have been worth it.
Your key worker has great power over you, even if they are not very bright. Lets give this one a chance.
My new worker appears ok but it always takes a while to figure out their agenda. I have been in treatment for mental health since school, and drug addiction some 15 years. I've seen policy change over the years. New approaches, fresh outlooks. Some have been brilliant. It is, indeed brilliant the British model of treating addiction as a health issue at all, some countries are back in the dark ages of wrapping it in with crime.
Followers of skreeworld blog will know that I agree with francis cricks Astonishing Hypothesis, that all our dreams, all our loves, all our transcendent moments are material. It is time to begin to think scientifically about consciousness (and its relationship, if any, to the hypothetical Immortal soul). It is time to grow up and accept as we did with Galileo and Darwin s ideas that we are not dealing with the supernatural. The implications of this acceptance are vast. Depressives, like diabetics, are born with erratic serotonin and other neurotransmitters. Addicts may well be born with insufficient natural endorphins. Blaming the ill can not continue. The barbarism of blaming the depressive for thier condition is as moronic as blaming those who suffer from Down's syndrome, from the countless misfortunes of birth. It is as if we still embrace the Middle Ages where the unusual were prodded and poked to freak shows if they were lucky enough not to be considered the spawn of the devil.
If this single issue is the one my writing changes a few people's thoughts on then my blog will have been worth it.
Your key worker has great power over you, even if they are not very bright. Lets give this one a chance.
Robin Williams RIP
Never a fan, never liked his work much but depression is such a terrible thing to have to endure. Poor fella. He fought it for years.plagued by addictions throughput his life as so many of us are . In some ways it must be harder if you are outwardly successful, outwardly on top of the world. Condolences to his loved ones.
Monday 11 August 2014
The Sreet Drinking Rennaisance part 2
The ancient Greeks; Socrates, hypocrites, homer would all meet up in the market square or other patches of land to discuss the issues of the day, sharing vast gallon flagons of potent wines, much like the seventies park bench alcoholics. This period is generally considered the origin of serious thought. Sadly Socrates got himself in a pickle and ended up subject to execution by the consumption of hemlock. He never wrote a word. Not only espousing work to sit around talking he also couldn't be arsed writing it down. In Socrates we see the ultimate street drinker, perhaps the all time greatest dosser.
Essentially work was a trick the upper classes ,managed to get over on the poor. If the wealthy could organise all the desperate rabble in to tidying up, gardening and generally keeping things in order this would free them up to ride horses and shoot animals. Until the first world war when they found themselves stuck in the trenches together, dependent on each other for their very lives. Charging over the top in to battle which won us both wars was led what would these days be classed as football hooligans. "Come on you German bastards, do you want some?". Yes it was these earthy working class thugs who got the job done, not the effete and sensitive types writing love poems to those back home. On return the upper classes, having shared times with the louts, gave them an NHS, council houses and decent jobs. This has all faded now, mind. Perhaps you'll need us again in the future of war and feel obliged to drop us a few bob.
Many of these returning soldiers found no jobs. But there was the park bench and the cheap sherry and the outdoor philosophy. Most suffering from PTSD rambled on and small children would target horse chestnut conkers on their heads. They'd suffered worse.
A slight afterthought I have always had is why the street drinker seeks company, conversation and a passing world to observe and pass comment on. The heroin addict is not a public figure. Perhaps its the precious powder and our English weather. There's no way you could chase a beetle in the wind and cooking up a hit would require a public toilet or some other shelter. Then when it kicks in they can't be arsed leaving the gaff. Telly will do. Jeremy Kyle. A programme about addicts made for addicts. Kyles career is based on addiction and its perpetuation. His preferred treatment is the Detox5, the least successful heroin addiction cure known to any of the health services. The addict is locked away, heavily sedated in a white room for five days. Based on the misguided 1950s idea that a heroin with drawl lasted but five days. The drug is barely out of the system by then but no recovery or restoration of endorphins has begun. The relapse rate is huge.
It is a fall for our society. The park bench philosopher who once graced our inner cities replaced by junkies hooked on drugs, crime and crap TV.
Essentially work was a trick the upper classes ,managed to get over on the poor. If the wealthy could organise all the desperate rabble in to tidying up, gardening and generally keeping things in order this would free them up to ride horses and shoot animals. Until the first world war when they found themselves stuck in the trenches together, dependent on each other for their very lives. Charging over the top in to battle which won us both wars was led what would these days be classed as football hooligans. "Come on you German bastards, do you want some?". Yes it was these earthy working class thugs who got the job done, not the effete and sensitive types writing love poems to those back home. On return the upper classes, having shared times with the louts, gave them an NHS, council houses and decent jobs. This has all faded now, mind. Perhaps you'll need us again in the future of war and feel obliged to drop us a few bob.
Many of these returning soldiers found no jobs. But there was the park bench and the cheap sherry and the outdoor philosophy. Most suffering from PTSD rambled on and small children would target horse chestnut conkers on their heads. They'd suffered worse.
A slight afterthought I have always had is why the street drinker seeks company, conversation and a passing world to observe and pass comment on. The heroin addict is not a public figure. Perhaps its the precious powder and our English weather. There's no way you could chase a beetle in the wind and cooking up a hit would require a public toilet or some other shelter. Then when it kicks in they can't be arsed leaving the gaff. Telly will do. Jeremy Kyle. A programme about addicts made for addicts. Kyles career is based on addiction and its perpetuation. His preferred treatment is the Detox5, the least successful heroin addiction cure known to any of the health services. The addict is locked away, heavily sedated in a white room for five days. Based on the misguided 1950s idea that a heroin with drawl lasted but five days. The drug is barely out of the system by then but no recovery or restoration of endorphins has begun. The relapse rate is huge.
It is a fall for our society. The park bench philosopher who once graced our inner cities replaced by junkies hooked on drugs, crime and crap TV.
Saturday 9 August 2014
A Street Drinking Rennaisance
Growing up in the seventies and eighties a common sight would be groups of derelict men passing round sherry bottles. These philosophers who rejected work in favour of watching the world go by, engaged in existential discussion. All towns had there pockets and many were locally known by the residents of the area and generally they caused little harm. Occasionally if disagreement over some fine political point arose passions could arise and a little pushing and shoving, a little shouting to emphasise the point annoyed local non intellectuals.
Steadily street drinking moved on to the super strength European lagers. Special brew it has been suggested by bill Drummond was adopted by the street drinker with a more European, expansive outlook whilst those who 'sucked from the purple tin' drank the traditional tenants super strength were somehow more entrenched in their homeland. His piece that features in his great work 45 is written from a Scottish perspective. It culminates in a sort of failure to give away a square meter of tennants supercans. The factor he had overlooked was that the homeless alocoholics are spread homogenously across the city of london. Drummonds vision of a large gathering of the street philosophers in some kind of millenial festival failed to materialise. A few took what they could carrybut no satisfactory 'happening' , no moment of glory. The idea was beautiful and brilliant and its failure could perhaps have warned him of the lack lustre response to his burning of a million quid. Jim Cauty and in a different way, bill drummond are brilliant artists. Perhaps the best of our day. Whether they get upset at the publics failure to embrace their enterprises must hurt. One can ignore lack of success when your water colours fail to light up the world but when your medium targetted so clearly at the artworld, their rejection must have caused a little heartcahe. but i love them, and still keep an eye on what they are up to. Still great ideas. Particularky Cauty. his recent city overtaken by police compared to the chapman brothers 'Hell' and 'FuckingHell' , the nearest obvious contemporary paralel, Cautys wins hands down for me.
Most English street drinkers give little thought to its origin, Scottish and Newcastle breweries, and habit or price are of greater influence. There are now a plethora of super strength lagers, from skol super to kestrel yet special brew remains the symbolic emblem despite its relatively high price. During the eighties when the traveller aligned themselves with the tramp the special brew can became the proud standards of the new ager. To be seen holding a can was akin to the African child in countries such as morocco and Gambia who I have seen buy a can of coca cola and make it last for days so as to be seen as connected to the western world. Its sybolism outweighed any other system of judgement. Perhaps it outweighs its value as a drink here too its just im so jaded i can no longer see truth in my own culture. On some traveller sites carrying a especial brew can was sufficient to be accepted. Like smoking a spliff. All cultures have their secret signs and codes.
It must have been the late nineties when street drinking became illegal. The small bands of park bench tipplers, wanting nothing more than to discuss the politics of the day were moved on by police. No street drinking signs began to appear on street furniture. People enjoying a picnic and bottle of wine in the park could find themselves picked and nicked.
Around the same time new labour introduced twenty four hour drinking. Pubs had once closed at half two serving, kick out three, open again at fiveish. The drinkers of course drifted to the parks and benches. New labour had some lunatic idea that if we british were able to drink out all day and night we would naturally fall in to the European model of slow wine drinking with ones meal. Or leisurely stretched out tapas evenings.
Of course the British, as anyone who has even casually taken an interest in European football competitions knows, we can't, nor want to hold our beer. Visions of chanting gangs hurling plastic chairs and glasses at each other before steaming in to wobbly fights whilst half naked women drop their knickers and the streets and rivers of urine flood the gutter.
The phenomena I was inspired by is the polish habit of small groups of men, meeting up in quiet spots to drink polish lager. Polish lager, for me, was a great discovery during my drinking days. Odd brackets empty in our culture such as 6.5 and 7.2% alcohol content, often hidden in tiny print. A whole new category of product to learn with a deep and old culture. When our local polish shop opened I'd spend a good half hour studying before I bought. Dark lagers, blonde beers, strong beers, weaker beers. And cheap too. A few freinds took an interest and we explored. Now, as a largely poor drinker, I seldom have more than two. Somewhere I lost that fire in my belly where oblivion was always sought. I don't know where it went. I bought in to the AA idea that once an alcoholic, never drink again. In fact I'll go further. This obsession with alcoholism. Quite innocent people who drink as little as a half bottle of wine are accused of mental illness. Some people function quite well on large amounts. I did hit a point where a two year break was required but I ca pn enjoy a pint without danger of unleashing some sort of werewolf. The obsession with health is destroying the NHS. People living in to their nineties, talking nonsense, we are having to import poor beautiful polish girls to wipe their bottoms. I've nowt against a long life if you are still able to be talked to as an adult but once people begin having to talk as if to a three year old, well, its time for Dignitas. We need to evolve for christs sake. Where's the sense in life sacred beyond all reason? Kill me when I start talking shite.
These polish lads who gather in churchyards, ginnels, the hidden spots of our edge lands can look intimidating. Like a group of British 70s boot boys. This is a mistake. They could, however do with a lesson about litter. Often after their evenings of discussion the wide variety of polish titled cans are left on the floor. This Rennaisance in street drinking can be nothing but a good thing. I have noticed the spots they choose are places police don't go. Whether police intervene as they surely would if English boys were on the piss but then the trouble likely to follow would be much greater. Perhaps the police are as yet unaware in the street drinking Rennaisance, of provide cultural dispensation I know not. To my thinking, bar the litter, this is a good thing. The Eastern European integration is a strange one. Excellent blenders the poles. And if this many English teen and early twenties boys moved over in a town the size of frome in Poland we'd have rioted, waved flags and generally demonstrated our aresholehood. All power to the polish street drinker.
Steadily street drinking moved on to the super strength European lagers. Special brew it has been suggested by bill Drummond was adopted by the street drinker with a more European, expansive outlook whilst those who 'sucked from the purple tin' drank the traditional tenants super strength were somehow more entrenched in their homeland. His piece that features in his great work 45 is written from a Scottish perspective. It culminates in a sort of failure to give away a square meter of tennants supercans. The factor he had overlooked was that the homeless alocoholics are spread homogenously across the city of london. Drummonds vision of a large gathering of the street philosophers in some kind of millenial festival failed to materialise. A few took what they could carrybut no satisfactory 'happening' , no moment of glory. The idea was beautiful and brilliant and its failure could perhaps have warned him of the lack lustre response to his burning of a million quid. Jim Cauty and in a different way, bill drummond are brilliant artists. Perhaps the best of our day. Whether they get upset at the publics failure to embrace their enterprises must hurt. One can ignore lack of success when your water colours fail to light up the world but when your medium targetted so clearly at the artworld, their rejection must have caused a little heartcahe. but i love them, and still keep an eye on what they are up to. Still great ideas. Particularky Cauty. his recent city overtaken by police compared to the chapman brothers 'Hell' and 'FuckingHell' , the nearest obvious contemporary paralel, Cautys wins hands down for me.
Most English street drinkers give little thought to its origin, Scottish and Newcastle breweries, and habit or price are of greater influence. There are now a plethora of super strength lagers, from skol super to kestrel yet special brew remains the symbolic emblem despite its relatively high price. During the eighties when the traveller aligned themselves with the tramp the special brew can became the proud standards of the new ager. To be seen holding a can was akin to the African child in countries such as morocco and Gambia who I have seen buy a can of coca cola and make it last for days so as to be seen as connected to the western world. Its sybolism outweighed any other system of judgement. Perhaps it outweighs its value as a drink here too its just im so jaded i can no longer see truth in my own culture. On some traveller sites carrying a especial brew can was sufficient to be accepted. Like smoking a spliff. All cultures have their secret signs and codes.
It must have been the late nineties when street drinking became illegal. The small bands of park bench tipplers, wanting nothing more than to discuss the politics of the day were moved on by police. No street drinking signs began to appear on street furniture. People enjoying a picnic and bottle of wine in the park could find themselves picked and nicked.
Around the same time new labour introduced twenty four hour drinking. Pubs had once closed at half two serving, kick out three, open again at fiveish. The drinkers of course drifted to the parks and benches. New labour had some lunatic idea that if we british were able to drink out all day and night we would naturally fall in to the European model of slow wine drinking with ones meal. Or leisurely stretched out tapas evenings.
Of course the British, as anyone who has even casually taken an interest in European football competitions knows, we can't, nor want to hold our beer. Visions of chanting gangs hurling plastic chairs and glasses at each other before steaming in to wobbly fights whilst half naked women drop their knickers and the streets and rivers of urine flood the gutter.
The phenomena I was inspired by is the polish habit of small groups of men, meeting up in quiet spots to drink polish lager. Polish lager, for me, was a great discovery during my drinking days. Odd brackets empty in our culture such as 6.5 and 7.2% alcohol content, often hidden in tiny print. A whole new category of product to learn with a deep and old culture. When our local polish shop opened I'd spend a good half hour studying before I bought. Dark lagers, blonde beers, strong beers, weaker beers. And cheap too. A few freinds took an interest and we explored. Now, as a largely poor drinker, I seldom have more than two. Somewhere I lost that fire in my belly where oblivion was always sought. I don't know where it went. I bought in to the AA idea that once an alcoholic, never drink again. In fact I'll go further. This obsession with alcoholism. Quite innocent people who drink as little as a half bottle of wine are accused of mental illness. Some people function quite well on large amounts. I did hit a point where a two year break was required but I ca pn enjoy a pint without danger of unleashing some sort of werewolf. The obsession with health is destroying the NHS. People living in to their nineties, talking nonsense, we are having to import poor beautiful polish girls to wipe their bottoms. I've nowt against a long life if you are still able to be talked to as an adult but once people begin having to talk as if to a three year old, well, its time for Dignitas. We need to evolve for christs sake. Where's the sense in life sacred beyond all reason? Kill me when I start talking shite.
These polish lads who gather in churchyards, ginnels, the hidden spots of our edge lands can look intimidating. Like a group of British 70s boot boys. This is a mistake. They could, however do with a lesson about litter. Often after their evenings of discussion the wide variety of polish titled cans are left on the floor. This Rennaisance in street drinking can be nothing but a good thing. I have noticed the spots they choose are places police don't go. Whether police intervene as they surely would if English boys were on the piss but then the trouble likely to follow would be much greater. Perhaps the police are as yet unaware in the street drinking Rennaisance, of provide cultural dispensation I know not. To my thinking, bar the litter, this is a good thing. The Eastern European integration is a strange one. Excellent blenders the poles. And if this many English teen and early twenties boys moved over in a town the size of frome in Poland we'd have rioted, waved flags and generally demonstrated our aresholehood. All power to the polish street drinker.
Friday 8 August 2014
Chambers
What must it be like for paul chambers in jail for a murder he didn't committ. Charlie is a pretty girl, she had a traveller marriage to chris, half his age. They moved on to a small site with a lad called Lenny. The landowner who had tolerated his caravan couldn't handle the travellers and wanted them all off. It was the yard ao a disused pub on the edge of semmington. They were all coming off gear, drinking and doing Valium too take the edge off. Lenny lost it. He'd lost his home. He swung a machete through chambers caravan missing his head by inches. There are various stories but the most accurate saw charlie, the twenty four year old girl swing an axe at his shoulder nearly killing him. They should have took him to hospital. Chambers, in misguided loyalty helped bundle what the they thought was Lennys body in to the back od his hatchback. They drove him off with a view to bury him. A witness claims to see a bloodied figure sit up in the back of the car.
A farmer found his body in a shallow grave. A crap attempt to burn off DNA. He had been strangled. No one knows what happened bar those there. Chambers hadn't the physical strength to kill Lenny. Nor Charlie. Traveller loyalty made charlie go no comment. Chambers claimed little hoping chris told the truth. Chris said, when they were about to bury him he wandered off to get hi fags, when he got back, Lenny was dead. Basically he lied and grassed up chambers. Chambers daft loyalty has seen him with a fifteen year sentence when all he did was help hide a body. That's not a nice crime but there's thie joint enterprise law. If no one admits to being the central protagonist, the courts treat them all as though they were equally guilty. Only one person had the physical strength to kill Lenny. If he admitted the crime his wife could be free. Chambers could be free. He rings me each week and has done for three years but there is little I can do. Within the travel,Inge community there are two points of view on this murder. One, never talk to the law. And two, you are effectively grassing up in lie two relatively innocent people.
A farmer found his body in a shallow grave. A crap attempt to burn off DNA. He had been strangled. No one knows what happened bar those there. Chambers hadn't the physical strength to kill Lenny. Nor Charlie. Traveller loyalty made charlie go no comment. Chambers claimed little hoping chris told the truth. Chris said, when they were about to bury him he wandered off to get hi fags, when he got back, Lenny was dead. Basically he lied and grassed up chambers. Chambers daft loyalty has seen him with a fifteen year sentence when all he did was help hide a body. That's not a nice crime but there's thie joint enterprise law. If no one admits to being the central protagonist, the courts treat them all as though they were equally guilty. Only one person had the physical strength to kill Lenny. If he admitted the crime his wife could be free. Chambers could be free. He rings me each week and has done for three years but there is little I can do. Within the travel,Inge community there are two points of view on this murder. One, never talk to the law. And two, you are effectively grassing up in lie two relatively innocent people.
Thursday 7 August 2014
Dogs
Dogs growl. Or run off and play. On leads they strain to interact. Dogs seldom hurt people. Sometimes people have a puppy as a surrogate child, it grows. Then they have a baby. Then the dog kills what has taken its love. You read these occassional stories where a child is left alone with a dog and the dog attacks the child. what fool would leave a powerful beast alone with a child used to protection and spoiling. I love to watch my dog running with other dogs. I love when they wrestle. Real dog fights, fights to hurt or kill are very rare, mostly its boisterous play. I'm going to get a warning, do not touch sign for Dook. People just come over and stick their hands in his face. They see him tied outside a shop, totally scared and vulnerable, yet some perverse drive makes them go try touch. Serves them right if they get bitten really. Chained up, totally vulnerable. Some idiot tries to touch his face. I honestly wonder if you were walking down the street with your child and strangers came up and started touching their faces, how would you feel. How would your child fell? I'll be walking down the street and there's just not enough space so you have to have them on leads. Refused the chance to say hello they growl. People see this and think its vicious. Its not. If you ever see a reall dog fight you will know the difference. Some dogs are pets. The more basic dogs, those closer to wolves are never really pets. They will always retain the capacity to do what they want. They are still wild. Clear up their shit in public places. Take them out early, before the tame folk are up.
Monday 4 August 2014
Vallis MXP
How many weeks now since I took 20x the maximum recommended dose of methoxphenidine? I have recovered but am lucky to do so. Without help from freinds and family I certainly wouldn't be around. To pay my brother back I drive up to County Durham where he works as a butterfly conservationist. On arrival he was counting with fine tweezers, tiny grubs in to various containers. The pearl bordered frattiliary is endangered and he works to prevent its extinction. It was ant day too. All ant colonies in the British isles grow wings, queen up and swarm. This takes place within a fourty eight hour period from john o groats to lands end. How do they know the right day? Victorians knew that ant day happened at the same time in local areas but only recently have we found the phenomena happens at the same two days all over this country. I have never seen a pearl boarder end frattiliary in the wild.
Rather than pay him cash back I knocked down his rotting porch and built a new one. Working full days for four days I was unable to totally complete it but janes brother is an old joiner and a day should have it licked, then another felting and painting.
We went over to see my niece. Sadly she suffers from schizophrenia and personality disorder. Taking drugs too young may have triggered it, who knows. Taking drugs too young may have triggered my mental health issues. My girlfriend has mental health issues and my dog is a mad fucker but I don't care. I'd sooner have it this way. As david Bowie sang , 'I'd rather play here, with all the madmen, than perish with the sad men roaming free. I'd rather stay here, with all the madmen, I'm quite content they're all the same as me." My niece is far more out there than me, so I'm told, though I've never witnessed her episodes and she has not witnessed mine. A mirror on the table revealed powder snorting went on and the stink of skunk. Two worst drugs for her condition . I do hope she's alright. I do love her more than any in the family. She's regularly sectioned. You could say this is the damage drugs can cause, or perhaps she would have been the same any road, even if she'd led a boring growing up.
I wonder at the damage the methoxphenidine did to my brain. I'm not quite the same. But I'm not too different. Something others judge.
These thoughts run through my head as I walk through the green. Trying to sneak in to the quarry to catch a picture of a peregrine a kestrel surprised me. You don't see so many as you did back in the eighties. Next thing I loo round and Dook has shot up the rock face, some fourty feet high, after a stray cat. I shat myself and shouted blue murder at him to get the fuck down but his prey drive takes over and he becomes deaf to my ears. Yet he is the most athletic sled type dog I have known and the cliff face was no trouble for him.
You could feel it in the air that summer is closing in. I like all the seasons and all weathers though I am prone to winter depression. I'm prone to depression at any time to be honest. But I'm prone to joy too. I have my manic side.
Back in the workshop somehow saddens me. I've enjoyed my time off and am great full for being allowed it. We all need to pause and reconsider our lives. And in many ways a powerful trip can knock you out of thought ruts you have developed. I do not recommend MXP though, nor diphenidine. I freinds son was hospitalised in a crazed state from MXP last week. He's younger than me and the human brain is not fully formed until you are twenty five so we'll have to see if there is any permanent damage. I'd be surprised. He's no novice to consciousness expansion.
But this is the result of making the drugs people need like LSD and ketamine, to clear out the mind illegal. It forces chemists to search for untested chemicals to trigger similar states and often these drugs have an abundance of faults. I will write about this issue further another time.
We sleep now so we can rise early to walk the woods before the others are up. And its no fun staying up late when you are sober .
Rather than pay him cash back I knocked down his rotting porch and built a new one. Working full days for four days I was unable to totally complete it but janes brother is an old joiner and a day should have it licked, then another felting and painting.
We went over to see my niece. Sadly she suffers from schizophrenia and personality disorder. Taking drugs too young may have triggered it, who knows. Taking drugs too young may have triggered my mental health issues. My girlfriend has mental health issues and my dog is a mad fucker but I don't care. I'd sooner have it this way. As david Bowie sang , 'I'd rather play here, with all the madmen, than perish with the sad men roaming free. I'd rather stay here, with all the madmen, I'm quite content they're all the same as me." My niece is far more out there than me, so I'm told, though I've never witnessed her episodes and she has not witnessed mine. A mirror on the table revealed powder snorting went on and the stink of skunk. Two worst drugs for her condition . I do hope she's alright. I do love her more than any in the family. She's regularly sectioned. You could say this is the damage drugs can cause, or perhaps she would have been the same any road, even if she'd led a boring growing up.
I wonder at the damage the methoxphenidine did to my brain. I'm not quite the same. But I'm not too different. Something others judge.
These thoughts run through my head as I walk through the green. Trying to sneak in to the quarry to catch a picture of a peregrine a kestrel surprised me. You don't see so many as you did back in the eighties. Next thing I loo round and Dook has shot up the rock face, some fourty feet high, after a stray cat. I shat myself and shouted blue murder at him to get the fuck down but his prey drive takes over and he becomes deaf to my ears. Yet he is the most athletic sled type dog I have known and the cliff face was no trouble for him.
You could feel it in the air that summer is closing in. I like all the seasons and all weathers though I am prone to winter depression. I'm prone to depression at any time to be honest. But I'm prone to joy too. I have my manic side.
Back in the workshop somehow saddens me. I've enjoyed my time off and am great full for being allowed it. We all need to pause and reconsider our lives. And in many ways a powerful trip can knock you out of thought ruts you have developed. I do not recommend MXP though, nor diphenidine. I freinds son was hospitalised in a crazed state from MXP last week. He's younger than me and the human brain is not fully formed until you are twenty five so we'll have to see if there is any permanent damage. I'd be surprised. He's no novice to consciousness expansion.
But this is the result of making the drugs people need like LSD and ketamine, to clear out the mind illegal. It forces chemists to search for untested chemicals to trigger similar states and often these drugs have an abundance of faults. I will write about this issue further another time.
We sleep now so we can rise early to walk the woods before the others are up. And its no fun staying up late when you are sober .
Sunday 3 August 2014
Saturday 2 August 2014
Vallis
Each morning I take Dook out. He's a Siberian husky cross German shepherd and needs a few miles walk in the morning. These walks have become my therapy and it has been great getting to know the local land in a more intimate way. There's perhaps a mile through ginnel and park where Dook fruitlessly chases after gull or wood pigeons. There's seldom anyone up though occasionally some of the previous nights ravers staggering about. Up broadway, past the old post office where I once lived and may still be there but for the evil of a creature known as Caro. A beast too hideous to spend time describing. Soon we are in the fields and Dook chases all and everything, half of it imaginary just for the joy of life. I've seen deer in those fields and until they harvested the field skylarks sang above their nests. All now harvested along with the clover.
After rounding the two paddocks a gate opens on to a track with a magnificent horse chestnut. During my three week MXP psychosis I remember hugging its trunk, more to get a hand hold on the spinning earth than pagan life force. That first time I saw a lad with a blanket around his shoulders and his arms around two girls, all looked very tripped out, as was I still.
This track I keep Dook on a leash, deer and the odd hare stray in to the young saplings that have been planted and once his prey drive kicks in he can't hear me too well.
Turning on to the road that leads up to Vallis farm horse jumps and fields of short chewed grass is the home to a large rabbit warren and Dook pulls left amd right as the fluffy bunnies just beg to be chased. But I keep him on till the start of the Vallis track. Clearly many dog owners drive there, let their dogs out who are by now dieing for a crap so its a bit of a mine field. A council dogs shit bin here would not go amiss. Dook immediately takes an invigorating swim and I take a left and try to be stealthy as I creep in to the old quarry area to the right.where I sometimes see the know nearly full grown fledgling peregrine falcons. One of my favourite birds. A gaggle of rooks often shilly shally about the overhead lines an give an indication of how lucky you are going to be. I've seen buzzards there too but aim to be earlier in the season for photographing thr breeding falcons next year.
Back on the track it follows the river where crayfish amass. Roughly one English for each ten American sadly though most who catch them for a tasty seasonal snack know to just take the yanks,
Dippers are common down this stretch as are kingfishers though harder to see as the undergrowth is very green. Its clearly busy in day time or weekends as the dog shit shows.
Various earthworks from over a century ago are overgrown but you can still see the odd lime kiln and train track embedded in the soil. A couple of bridges further down or some stepping stones for the brave get you across and roe deer can be enjoyed by the sharp of eye.
Further down a shrine to a young lad who committed suicide sits beneath a railway bridge. Whether he jumped in front of the train or hanged himself I don't know. Paper messages and dried flowers cover a large boulder and a more mundane modern style graffiti rip brightens the wall.
There are various campfire spots tucked away and evidence that consciousness expansion gatherings still take place. When we were young it was just mushrooms and acid. Now a whole pharmacopeia exists though having done a little research myself i would safely say stick with the old ones. Its all you need; mushrooms for misty moist end of year trips, acid for more expansive summer trips, ketamine for a warm glow, or deeper dives in to holes of hallucinatory magic.
Here I cross the river and we walk a higher track. By know the sun is rising across the valley dap piling the valley with golden spots. The owls are all away now bar the very odd bar owl enjoying the last twilight. The path feeds you out on to a tiny rad that takes you back down to the beginning to Vallis. By now other dog walkers are out and the odd jogger. You're unlikely to see much wildlife know but seeing the dogs fight and play makes up for it. Off leash they never really fight. Just ,lboystrous revelry. Some dog owners do not permit their dogs to interact with their own kind leading to sad dogs. Dook is safe and only plays. If another dog gets nasty he is always strong and agile enough to get away or win.
Returning back I sometimes pop in the shop and have to leave him tied up outside. Now, never approach a tied up dog. They are vulnerable and feel scared. Any bites you receive under these circumstances are your own fault but can lead to the dogs execution. Just the other day, walking along a woman without asking, presumably overcome with a desire to touch Dook came over and put her hands straight to his face. He snapped at her. Don't go up to dogs you don't know and try touch them. Simple rule of life.
From here we walk back through Victoria park where dogs are free to interact off leads. Some cruel group had tried to stop this activity wanting dogs on leads at all times but great fully a counter campaign saw off this paranoid madness. Dook shows he's king of the dogs then its home for breakfast.
After rounding the two paddocks a gate opens on to a track with a magnificent horse chestnut. During my three week MXP psychosis I remember hugging its trunk, more to get a hand hold on the spinning earth than pagan life force. That first time I saw a lad with a blanket around his shoulders and his arms around two girls, all looked very tripped out, as was I still.
This track I keep Dook on a leash, deer and the odd hare stray in to the young saplings that have been planted and once his prey drive kicks in he can't hear me too well.
Turning on to the road that leads up to Vallis farm horse jumps and fields of short chewed grass is the home to a large rabbit warren and Dook pulls left amd right as the fluffy bunnies just beg to be chased. But I keep him on till the start of the Vallis track. Clearly many dog owners drive there, let their dogs out who are by now dieing for a crap so its a bit of a mine field. A council dogs shit bin here would not go amiss. Dook immediately takes an invigorating swim and I take a left and try to be stealthy as I creep in to the old quarry area to the right.where I sometimes see the know nearly full grown fledgling peregrine falcons. One of my favourite birds. A gaggle of rooks often shilly shally about the overhead lines an give an indication of how lucky you are going to be. I've seen buzzards there too but aim to be earlier in the season for photographing thr breeding falcons next year.
Back on the track it follows the river where crayfish amass. Roughly one English for each ten American sadly though most who catch them for a tasty seasonal snack know to just take the yanks,
Dippers are common down this stretch as are kingfishers though harder to see as the undergrowth is very green. Its clearly busy in day time or weekends as the dog shit shows.
Various earthworks from over a century ago are overgrown but you can still see the odd lime kiln and train track embedded in the soil. A couple of bridges further down or some stepping stones for the brave get you across and roe deer can be enjoyed by the sharp of eye.
Further down a shrine to a young lad who committed suicide sits beneath a railway bridge. Whether he jumped in front of the train or hanged himself I don't know. Paper messages and dried flowers cover a large boulder and a more mundane modern style graffiti rip brightens the wall.
There are various campfire spots tucked away and evidence that consciousness expansion gatherings still take place. When we were young it was just mushrooms and acid. Now a whole pharmacopeia exists though having done a little research myself i would safely say stick with the old ones. Its all you need; mushrooms for misty moist end of year trips, acid for more expansive summer trips, ketamine for a warm glow, or deeper dives in to holes of hallucinatory magic.
Here I cross the river and we walk a higher track. By know the sun is rising across the valley dap piling the valley with golden spots. The owls are all away now bar the very odd bar owl enjoying the last twilight. The path feeds you out on to a tiny rad that takes you back down to the beginning to Vallis. By now other dog walkers are out and the odd jogger. You're unlikely to see much wildlife know but seeing the dogs fight and play makes up for it. Off leash they never really fight. Just ,lboystrous revelry. Some dog owners do not permit their dogs to interact with their own kind leading to sad dogs. Dook is safe and only plays. If another dog gets nasty he is always strong and agile enough to get away or win.
Returning back I sometimes pop in the shop and have to leave him tied up outside. Now, never approach a tied up dog. They are vulnerable and feel scared. Any bites you receive under these circumstances are your own fault but can lead to the dogs execution. Just the other day, walking along a woman without asking, presumably overcome with a desire to touch Dook came over and put her hands straight to his face. He snapped at her. Don't go up to dogs you don't know and try touch them. Simple rule of life.
From here we walk back through Victoria park where dogs are free to interact off leads. Some cruel group had tried to stop this activity wanting dogs on leads at all times but great fully a counter campaign saw off this paranoid madness. Dook shows he's king of the dogs then its home for breakfast.
Friday 1 August 2014
Troll 2
You know it saddened me reading that response to a 16 piece chunk of writing where I didn't hold back, I told the truth. This is the difference between the furniture and the writing and the art. If someone doesn't like your furniture it means they don't like one of your ideas but if they don't like your personal prose or your art then it feels personal. I've seen artists in tears
before a show so many times I could not describe. Writers broken by comments. And the only succour you can give is that they make new stuff, they create. Critics, however shaped create nothing. They are surplus to humanity. For sure we have researchers, scientists. But a vast ammou t of people out there it would make no difference were they born or not.
before a show so many times I could not describe. Writers broken by comments. And the only succour you can give is that they make new stuff, they create. Critics, however shaped create nothing. They are surplus to humanity. For sure we have researchers, scientists. But a vast ammou t of people out there it would make no difference were they born or not.
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