I'm afraid skreeworld is still without pictures. This coming year of poverty meen's its unlikely I'll be able to get a new laptop to put the photos up for a while either . This is quite upsetting for me as photography is one of my main creative outlets. Even during my darkest depressions I would maintain the photo flow for skreeworld blog. Once a year is up, my debts will be paid off and hopefully things will return to some sort of Normality. A thousand pounds a month is the rate I set and it don't half sting. I have kept the house which meen's a lot to me. A home is important as you get older. My agreement with the landlord to make new windows for the front to pay a months rent has led to my having that deeper intimacy one has with a house they own. The landlord has got a deal of a lifetime. They are not fitted yet but should be this week. Looking down the stone terrace I noticed ours will be by far the best windows. A few originals still hang on the odd cottage, heald together with paint. The rest are all vulgar plastic which spoil the neighbourhood. If I were king a buildings dignity would be a legality and UPVC windows never allowed apart from in schools or certain other municipal buildings.
This mornings walk in the rain kept most of the usual faces in doors. Autumn is showing. Horse chestnuts are yellowing, fruit is slipping over ripe and unused. A real recession? Would they know how to survive without the bins behind lidl. We walked as usual bit there were fewer birds to spot, fewer rabbits for Dook to chase, I'm told the lungs are the only organ capable of repairing itself. My eight miles each morning might just fight off the six years crack smoking, the six years of cannabis smoking and all those cigarettes I now regret. I started aged 12, shortly before my mother died of cancer. I continued through till a particularly vicious bout of flu whilst a mature student of 27 years age at college rendered any smoking hideously unpleasant for the duration of a nicotine withdrawal. e. Five years of none smoking followed but one morning in Fred's workshop where light roll up smoking was de reguor I walked in to the coop and bought half ounce of drum and a packet of blue skins. It was like meeting an old freind. I carried on the habit for two years where I stopped but took up smoking heroin from a tin foil flute for a couple of years (a much more pleasant practice, even the thought of it now pulls me towards the door, towards the van and off to score) I could it would be that easy. But I no longer want the suffering. Looking back I was a fairly uncommitted junky. After realising I had a habit I enjoyed a years honeymoon period followed by two years wrestling the monkey off my back. I never smoked cigarettes when I smoked heroin. Odd that. There followed a two years of none smoking and i honestly don't recall starting again. I think it was during an argument with a girl I loved more than she loved me. Her fag lay smouldering and in a fit of pique I snatched it from the ash tray and left the room in what I hoped was a dramatic gesture.
I finally stopped when I had my major breakdown four years ago now. I gave up crack. This is easy, only a psychological addiction. Next went the diazepam habit I had developed to counter the heebeegeebees you get from crack. This is by far the hardest drug to withdraw from. As the veteran of a number of heroin habits and withdrawals I can honestly say that benzo withdrawal is the  worst. I'll not describe it now. The following week I gave up cigarettes and two weeks after that gave up alcohol. I continued subutex, too much withdrawals at once can kill a man. I began to taper off the subutex and was down to .4 of a mg when I went up to leeds for the world club challenge against Melbourne storm, the European champions versus the Australian champions. The place I was staying had heroin there. No one told me or there is no way I would have gone. An addict has no control over there behaviour so I left with a minor habit that took a week off work to shake off.
I am free of both addictions now and if I were asked my biggest regret in life it would be smoking cigarettes. I just hope my walking and cycling can go someway to shift the crap I put in there over the years.