Return from my artistic retirement

Much more chipper. MOT wasn't as much as I'd thought and getting some material funds back for the windows. Paulus, my old freind left a message on facebook saying, "make work or die with your trousers down" or words to that effect. I'd hardly slept but got out with dook for 6am 2.5 hour walk where I mulled this over. Perhaps Paul had meant a light gibe but it got me roused. I set out to be an artist and some long twisted route found me designing and making bespoke furniture. Now that's not too bad. Some people have to stack shelves. But I'm not really interested in furniture and never have been. After living as a traveller I realised I would achieve little of consequence if I pursuied such a life. Having left school and home without qualifications due to a broken family my choices were fewer. I couldn't go to art college but with the joinery I had picked up I could get on a furniture design and craft course. This I did. But I made art, not furniture. I excelled gaining a first and two commendations. Some people mistakenly think I mean sculptural furniture, or that I am bragging claiming that the quality of my work elevated it to the realm of art. I don't mean this at all. I made work to be shown alongside other art and to be measured by artistic criteria. Some of it was bad art. Circumstance and need to eat steered me down the furniture route and I accepted this but had to take drugs or drink to compensate . But my half imagined obligations drove me close to death this year and I will die soon if I don't get back to doing what I was born to do. Death has had his hand on my shoulder all year as I took substances to allow me to carry out work I don't love. I'm nearly fifty now and my body can not take the strain. I have given too much of my
If ever away already.
So I have taken a vow. This desk, perhaps my finest piece of bespoke furniture will be my last. I will make other arrangements to settle debts and obligations. Then I return to my natural vocation. The one thing I never question my abilities at. I am a good artist . My time is limited. It is wholly necessary I get the work out. The path I fell down has brought me so close to death I feel ashamed for submitting to imagined obligation. Let them do what they must, for I must do what I must. The future is bright. I am refinding  myself and reason for being. Coming out of Retirement as of today.