It was over two weeks ago our close friend was given 72 hours to live. Sleepless nights have followed. Eating next to nothing. Combined with withdrawal from buprenorphine my mind has been unstable. Softening the blow has caused insanity. Darkness is endless. Phonecalls from her deathbed increasingly hold no words, slurrage of yearning to communicate, anger at her failing system is met by attempts to provide some positive encouragement. We are rendered liars. There is no future to promise. Perhaps this insanity of sleeplessness, not eating, chemical sustenance and powerlessness has caused my growing acceptance in biocentricity, or loss of faith in materialism. What I knew in all certainty hit evidence it could no longer accommodate. All we do is live, unable to operate properly. I hardly achieve half the work I need to and poverty follows. Food comes in patches. No alcohol to soften the mix. 
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