K came over. Desperate for some help in coping with this current madness I'd called, inviting him, folk can abuse their partners, or those closest, when times are tough. As emotional punchbag I needed respite, a visitor certain to warm Cs heart and give me some much needed rest. Yesterday in our garbled conversation hed mis gathered that my partner was dieing, not her closest, but her. Joyous to find her alive, though dispirited in our seemingly never ending death vigil. The trelief was palpable as this wire uncrossed. Beautiful spring day. Took c and K to get their personal poisons. Then dropped two AL -LAD, K just one. Gear renders MDMa pointless. I loved MDMa but once I had it after becoming a habitual brown smoker, it worked but never had any magic. It was time by then. Two years of e weekenders had left me fried and the brown panacea entered my life to soothe my fried brain. Here's not the time to tell how big a mistake that was, that still affects me 20 odd years later. Gear seems to spoil the Lad too. I never had such a mild night on lad. Perhaps the gear in another could sullen my magic. Trips often depend equally on set and setting as they do on product quality.
We headed for the fields as the sunset. Made a woodland campfire and sat around, talking, pratting about, letting the three dogs go wild. The early trip sensations began yet failed to blossom, never developed. After a few hours by the fire we came home. Me and K are all about exploring woodland, finding a good spot, and lighting a fire. This is where we are at home. Once home, Here mine kicked in inspiring a stupid facebook interplay with a girl I'd like to understand. K finished off any magic with a pin,and C,after badgering around for W, settled for that same dull shit.
Tripped out amongst smack heads. This is no accurate picture of my life, just today. An oddity of a day. I know most of the towns smack heads from old, but we pass, chat, but don't visit each other. Common ground lost. Sadly, I always felt at home, u njudged, amongst fellow broken biscuits. They're as broad a bunch as any. Many very bright, with other interests and specialisms. But always the unifying priority, above all others, which must be sorted before other matters can be attended to. Six hours, rarely longer, usually shorter, and whatever task is underway is abandoned to refuel.
I may have salvaged some of the magic. Wasted sacrament is a terrible and disrespectful thing. I frown upon it, even if on occassion, freindship, loyalty etc trump it.
I entered into some internet attempt at communication. Nearly upset someone whose approval I would want. Fortunately I think I pulled it round. I am fascinated. Enough to change life patterns.
So, a poor night for the lad unless his magic was fed through to the person I speak of. To raise the magic and it not achieve anything really would be knew. I'm hoping it tied us tonight. Halucinogens have often been the seed of my most unusual relationships. Powerful magic must find an outlet.
Later, unable to sleep, I realised I had only had 2mg subutex yet felt passable. I am getting there. 4mg tomorrow, if I can endure it. 10mg to 4mg in less than a fortnight is great. This focus I need may be virtual. Maybe pure projection, but only human love is of high enough value to inspire a target.
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