The time of no moon seems somehow appropriate to be thinking with the fresh or refreshed mind I currently have. These last few months have been hellish but necessary. Most of us find it difficult, this increases with age, to see themselves engaged in new areas of endeavour. If life becomes untenable for whatever reason, be it a relationship or a job that brings nothing but unhappiness the pattern can be not to recognise the problem. To see others around you managing and think if they can do it then the problem must lie elsewhere. People force themselves to continue doing stressful jobs they are wholly unsuited to rather than change. They will do so even if this requires taking drugs either prescribed or not, drinking heavily, they will do it if it drives them to premature death. They will die rather than change. You can see this in others but not in yourself.
Once I thought I would be working on the Cutty Sark immediately after Christmas I allowed myself a period of time to be off work knowing I could pull things round. Now this won't be happening, at least not straight away and a huge gap appears. I now think this is for the best. My reaction to disafection with the mainstay of my work was to look to the second most familiar thing I do. My mind blotted out the negatives and fed me a rosy, innacurate memory.
No moon time, no future planned out. These days have a feeling of beginning.
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