I have returned to the same point through many different routes now that I have to accept that the model itself is flawed. Up to my going away recently things had felt volcanic in their pent up fury. Whilst away I found peace, I wrote, relaxed but on my return all pillars of darkness still stood. I fought hard but ultimately found myself again crippled by. emotion. The symphony of life had returned to a familiar melody. Each breakthrough was followed by a brutal blow.
For me there has to be poetic injustice followed by righteous triumph. There has to be collapse, failure, a point when you are written off. Ali had to be beaten, had to lose, be banned from boxing to return. Mandella had to be imprissoned for 25 years. World War 2 had to have the plucky British on their knees or victory would be deprived of all poetry. Perhaps this is the sole way I can live with my flaws.
This is time to make changes.
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