You learn more about yourself and other people from heroin than just about anything. I was just talking to a freind who has had similar experiences. Do you regret it? That's hard to answer so ingrained in to ones self it becomes. Other drugs intoxicate with unnatural sensations but heroin isessentially mimicking an natural sensation. Endorphins, the pain relieving chemicals that free mind from body, stopping emotions. Heroin will not make an honest man a thief, I never stole. But it will reveal how low you can go. How deeply you will lie, who you would cheat. This test of character few ever have to take. It's easy to be benevolent and rich or dealing heroin. When you have an endless supply. But when every cell is burning, crying out for relief, how much can you take? Would you steal from a supermarket? From a wife or husband? Mug an old lad You? I lied but never stole. When funds ran out I would lie I'll and suffer my punishment for enjoying pleasures man is banned from, so good can they feel. It will reveal how true your moral code really is. No other test comes close. None I have found. It's years ago now, before being prescribed subutex, 12 years? But I remember feeling ill each morning. I was lucky. I worked. But I know others whose moral compass was tested far more. Each morning meant crime before getting sorted to get the rest of the day sorted.
So regret is balanced by learning. I know myself. My lowest act was lieing. This goes against my moral compass, so who am I to judge? The ex junky knows themselves in ways straight folk never will. I often find myself thinking of rock climbers, risking life for kicks, often parents, testing themselves as to how far they will continue the unnecessary risk. Do the ambulance crews insult them when they fall? Like they do when called round for a bluey?
You should learn from everything.
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