Enduring withdrawall entails psychotic episodes. Periods when you can not tell where you are not sure what is and isn't real. The choice I have made, to stop all chemicals of addiction has entailed so much I often wonder whether I have done right or wrong. I lost my home, gave up my business, abandoned work and left a relationship, relocated, lost all income, upset and offended many people. I have thrown away almost every pillar of my life. To live in a van, alone with my dog, until I am well. Until I know who exists beneath the layers of chemistry.
So many years wasted, so few left to realise my dreams. I could have continued making decent furniture for rich private clients that few would see. I am proud to have rejected that snake that sucked me in and taken this ladder to reclaim my aspirations. I have never felt insecure about my artwork, some is better than other but I have never felt insecure. Maybe I am arrogant. Maybe I have had my fill of objects and making. Ideas fuel my fire more now so writing draws me in. In patches I hit a good rhythm.
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