Counceling

If being able to reflect on ourselves is what separates us from animals then counceling, therapy as they say in America is an important thing. Today was my 11th session with my current councelor. I have had countless sessions with keyworkers, many sessions with psychiatrists and a few dozen sessions with a clinical psychologist. It is quite amazing what a good one can help you to see. Our biggest problems are often very simple and quite hard to see, even when quite obvious to others.

I have felt a little guilty since deconstructing my old occupation. It really isn't such a bad thing to do and anyone who has read postings I have written knocking Furniture making must try to understand that I have a lot of baggage irrationaly attached to it. To escape some of the things that were lumped in together with my making of objects I had to make it horrible for a while. If you have ever stopped smoking you might understand that to reject it you have to hate it. A reformed smoker is always more antismoking than someone who has never smoked.

My working pattern had become disfunctional. About four years ago I took on some work that I hoped could bridge the gap until I got some more design work. The furniture was made to the taste of an interior designer. From there I made some more work that yet another designer had a say in. The pieces bore no mark of myself. Looking back I see that I shouldn't have taken on the work but at the time it seemed the right thing to do. I do not enjoy making other peoples designs. I am proud about this. If I didn't attach such self worth to my work it wouldn't matter so much.

Finally I could no longer enjoy what I was doing. The furniture may as well be made by someone else. I am not in that game.

So, in the hunt for self expression I have abandoned furniture. Increasingly my self esteem came from my writing. The furniture had become a meens to an end. When you don't enjoy your day job you need great hobbies. I have never been a worker as such. My moneys have always come from an extension of play. If there is resistence, if you find it too tough then it is probably working against the grain rather than the experiments of play.

You should be free. Play. Make fun things. Let enjoyment lead and you will find you get by.

Quite how I who pride myself on not submitting to authority could have found myself working against the grain I don't know. It shows it happens to the best of us. It won't happen again.

To celebrate the realisation of this drift from play in to work there will be a ceremonial fire. A piece of furniture will be burnt. It is all ready to  go.