Before, during and after, part 5

I came home from school one day. My dad was looking serious. I was12. He waited till we were all there and told us he had some bad news. I assumed our grandma was going into hospital or something of that gravity. He told us our mother was dead. I had talked to her about what we would do when she was better and come home. It hadn't dawned on me, no one had told me she was dieing, not fully anyway. There were no communal tears or hugs. We are Leeds. You don'y show your feelings. We all went off in different directions, me to do my paper round, my dad to the pub, I don't know where our kid or my sister went. During my paper round that evening, I raised up, out of my body which was able to talk, even joke with people I bumped in to, while I watched from above. I don't think I've ever come back down properly and have always felt, because of this, that she sees everything I do.