Skreeworld Poor List

Yesterday the Sunday Times , in blatant plaguerism, published thier rich list. So here is the yearly Skreeworld Poor List. Poverty can take many forms and it is hard to measure who has the least. Hence the Skreeworld poor list has only one street beggar and one homeless on it and these have shown extreme excellence in other areas of poverty. Moral poverty, spiritual poverty, poverty of creativity are covered as are other areas of poverty. The list is of 10 and as moral poverty is subjective, they are interchangeable. Please feel free to add to the skreeworld poor list. All entries will be considered and, probably, included.

1; Bob Gheldof for poverty of modesty and self promotion through 'poverty'. Yes, Bob is right up there with the post morally impoverished. From argueing with the leader of Greenpeace to his denial in the face of facts to the opposite bthat 95% of the live aid money was spent on weapons, the remaining 5% probably accounts for why he lives in luxury claiming it is just from an aversion to mondays. St Paula is one of the patron saints of Skreeworld for her relative celibacy. Two boyfriends and they called her a slag, Bob drove her to her grave then hijacked her funeral.

2; Jeremy Kyle for poverty of everything bar money. Yes, his human bear bating and Daily Mail values that he imposes on the true poor shows a true moral poverty. His income is dependent on viewers who are unemployed who he berates for being unemployed. Solve unemployment and you solve the Kyle problem. Not to mention his stalking of a 16 year old  including sexual advances who was on work experience on his radio show.

3; Tracy Emin for poverty of creativity and moral poverty. Born in to a financially insecure family, the benevolence of what remains of any socialistic elements of post war Britain created the colege and paid for her education that gave her success. Poverty of generosity in her statement about leaving the country if the 50% tax rate came in to pay for people like her to get similar success, true selfish greed and poverty of care for others.

4;  Timmy Otto. The first good, noble and righteous person on the list. He is a street beggar who developed schizophrenia before discovering the cures for both Aids and cancer but government conspiracies prevented poor Tim from implementing them. Poor Tim also had Sonia, singly the most selfish human on earth move in and take over his home, bringing trouble from police and other areas. Poor Tims endless generosity shou;ld be a lesson for Emin.

5;  Richard Dawkins for poverty of interlect and poverty of acceptance of counter argument. The high priest of the church of Darwin has spent the last few years like a pope in paedophilia denial. His total misunderstanding of the fact  that the truth of evolution in no way precludes the existence of God. His polarisation of religious ideas to continue his evangelical quest bare all the hallmarks of Muslim extremists Sharia law.

6; Rachel Whiteread for poverty of ideas. If an idea was a pound she'd have one pound yet would owe the pound back as the idea of exposing the negative space of house hold objects was borrowed. Not since the K foundation awarded her for the worst art of the year outside the Turner Prize has she achieved an acholade as significant as appearing in the Skreeworld poor list.

7;  Gordon Ramsay. Now most think he's just a cunt but, no, he qualifies on the grounds of poverty of compassion. The Patron Saint of Bullying has done unquantifiable damage to the catering industry causing a huge rise in apprentice suicides, yep, they're topping themselves like lemmings. His arogance and lies to his wife and the media over just one of his many affairs are taking its toll. Raveans, wrinkes and furrows blemish his face like an inverted Dorian Grey.

8;  Kipper is well poor but noble. H may not work but neither does he sign on. Homelss yet never aimless, abundant in happiness ad adventurous schemes. A hunter and a freegan, I thought I best get a normal poor in to show up the moral poverty endemic in this country. Money would kill him.

9;  Chris Moyles, Piss Poor! Perhaps the most annoying and least talented human in Britain. A poor DJ, a poor comedien, just a piss poor fat cunt tghe world ould be a better place without. Murder is a serious crime and no one could condone such an action. However, should someone take a pop at the fat bastard I'm sure there isn't a jury in the land that would convict the perpetrator nor a self repecting policeman who would boter following up the case.

10;  I had toyed with the idea of putting Jamie Oliver in but thought, at first, that having 2 celebrity chefs would be too many. Further research made me realise that 1 in 5 people in Britain is in fact, a celebrity tv chef so Oliver is back in. The self Righteous mockney is guilty of poverty of hygene 'garnisshing each of hith mealth in a thpray of thpittle'. The moral vaccuity o seeking moral high standards whilst blatantly advertising factory farmed meat shows true moral poverty. It doesnt matter how much he gives back now, he has taken too much.

Please feel free to add to the Skreeworld poor list.