Evil artist spotted at Satanist coffee shop

It came as no surprise to anyone at the Skreeworld offices that the Evil Artist is in talks with the leaders of the local Satanist cafe. Yesterday, one of our reporters spotted him on a street in Frome, Somerset. The Evil Artist whose most well known work was a performance piece performed to an audience of none. Here damp, discarded clothing was hurled on to the roof of the extension of an elderly lady. The meaning and significance of the work remains unclear though many believe it was carried out either to appease or summon up the arch demon Satans Santa.The appearance of the Evil Artist is an aproximation of an inverse Satans Santa, who sports long black hair and a dark beard. He is known as the giver of cursed presents to children, small broken animals smeared in dog dirt and wrapped in dock leaves. Pulled through infinity you have the EA like a left hand to a right hand glove, sporting long white hair. Our reporter claims that the EA has shaven off his goat or 'devil' beard. He was drinking a foul dark brew, its' fetid fumes caused passers by to retch, cough or reach for hankerchieves to minimise inhalation.La Satana is well known as the haunt of local satanists that, through coded words purchase the foul juices that are the urine of demon loins. Only initates are wise to the muttered key words that allow staff to know their kin. Dressed in black they brazenly flaunt their wares at the top of a seemingly normal street. The 'cafe' as now expanded its empire to a nearby shop that sells the tools of the hellspawn, strange french and itallian objects sometimes baring the names of the demons they are instrumental in the rituals practiced to summon up these beings.

Locals meanwhile make a stand to save their town from  the evil, preffering to drink the beverages available in the holy Market Cross cafe. Here a Milky Coffee can still be bought and a fried breakfast includes the local delicacy of bubble and squeek.

The future of the town lies in the balance though whilst some may feast on the scab like flakes of croissant there are still many who stand against the trend eating the food of our ancestors. Indeed, history has shown, you can't win a war on a cup of coffee and a croissant for breakfast.